IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. Others argue that advertisements have a positive impact on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #advertisements #children #impact
The question of whether advertising for
younger
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the younger
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 generation should be prohibited or not has sparked
the
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a
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 debate, with some asserting that it is immoral to aim
children
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at children
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 and manipulate them with
colorful
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colourful
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 advertisements,
while
 others argue that the joyful atmosphere of commercials affects
children
 in a good way.
However
, in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 the objection is completely fallacious and the owners of companies should be free to advertise for any group they want, I will discuss
the
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apply
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both sides of
controversy
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the controversy
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 in detail.
Firstly
, it is said that
children
 are sensitive and most of the time easily tricked and it is not ethical to deceive them for the company
owners
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owners'
owner's
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 benefit.
Furthermore
, when
children
 take an interest in something they become really obsessed with it that they are willing to do anything to have that thing.
This
 may result in crying and nagging constantly to their parents to buy for them.
Although
,
this
 may seem true and thoughtful
but
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apply
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it should be taken into consideration that getting
children
’s attention is not that easy as they are playful and reluctant to listen.
On the other hand
, it should be noted that all groups of people have their own
taste
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tastes
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 and can be tricked in their own way.
For
example
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example,
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 mothers of families get really excited when it comes to kitchen utensils or ostentatious house equipment.
Moreover
, the commercials that are designed for
children
 have a mode of happiness and joy. These advertisements most of the
times
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time
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 are much less of a bad influence than many cartoons and video games that expose
children
 to violence. In summary, sometimes advertising can be mixed up with manipulation
specially
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especially
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 when it
aims
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targets
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 vulnerable
group
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groups
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 but as long as it does not spread destructive
contents
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content
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, I think we should let it go.
Submitted by ad8334480 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to better support your points with more specific examples. Using detailed examples can help to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed effectively throughout the paragraph. This can help improve the clarity and logical progression of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively outlines the debate and presents your stance, which is clearly argued throughout the essay.
complete response
The essay presents both views on the topic and provides a balanced discussion, which shows a good understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • impressionable
  • manipulative
  • discern
  • navigate choices
  • informed consumers
  • potentially beneficial
  • health consequences
  • creative development
  • imaginative play
  • economic impact
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