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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows sales of songs from three musical genres during a period of ten years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows sales of songs from three musical genres during a period of ten years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#sales #songs #three #genres #period #ten #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 line chart illustrated
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of music songs on
spotify
Change the capitalization
Spotify
show examples
 based on three music genres in a decade (2009-2019).
Overall
Linking Words
,
Korean
Use synonyms
pop
Use synonyms
 and
Jazz
Use synonyms
 dramatically increased in
sales
Use synonyms
 and
Korean
Use synonyms
pop
Use synonyms
had become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the most popular among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 genres.
However
Linking Words
,
pop
Use synonyms
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 significantly in the same period. In 2009,
Although
Linking Words
Pop
Use synonyms
 was the most popular music genre,
around
Change preposition
with around
show examples
 250
million
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sold,
Pop
Use synonyms
 consistently
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 and
Korean
Use synonyms
pop
Use synonyms
had surpass
Wrong verb form
surpassed
show examples
Pop
Use synonyms
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
Korean
Use synonyms
pop
Use synonyms
 achieved 275
million
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Pop
Use synonyms
 only generated
sales
Use synonyms
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 170
million
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Jazz
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 slightly increased and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 90
million
Use synonyms
 in 2013. Starting
2014
Change preposition
in 2014
show examples
,
Korean
Use synonyms
pop
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 had significantly increased
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak in 2019, around 500
million
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
Pop
Use synonyms
 could not bounce back and steadily decreased until 2016, around 150
million
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
Jazz
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consistenly
Correct your spelling
consistently
 rose and reached as same as
pop
Use synonyms
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2016. 2017-2019,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
sales
Use synonyms
 for
Pop
Use synonyms
 and
Jazz
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained stable
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 150
million
Use synonyms
 per year.
Submitted by muhammad.andhitya on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words korean, pop, jazz, sales, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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