IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agreee or disagree?

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These days,
people
Use synonyms
’s lifestyles are so varied from the past;
hence
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, it is important that global students have some responsibilities for growing better;
as a result
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, a group of populations thinks that free social services ought to be a section of high school plans
for instance
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, they volunteer for either organization that help
people
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 or helping little children for improving their skills. I subscribe to
this
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 idea owing to the
fact
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 that they get good experiences that help them know how they can live ;
moreover
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, all aspects of their communities are enhanced. On the one hand, if young generations spend their free time on aid to others, they can learn how they behave in a range of issues, and they will be able to solve them more efficiently;
besides
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, they can find good job opportunities faster
due to
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 the
fact
Use synonyms
 that they know these
people
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 invest their free time on the work. To illustrate, one factor which is necessary in obtaining a job is to work for charities or organizations that solve
people
Use synonyms
’s matters.
On the other hand
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, Unless inhabitants spend time with each other, we can see a huge difference between citizens who have graduated or do not study in school; in
fact
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, in
this
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 society, the rate of commit crimes is high
while
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 when young
people
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 work with the children whose parents do not an academic degree, these kids can help their parents to improve themselves, and they avoid major offences;
therefore
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, these kinds of the population are able to improve with fewer problems.
To conclude
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, the
fact
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 that working for
people
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 without money is so hard;
however
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, sometimes we have to think about the manner that can make our countries better ;
additionally
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, help us to improve our abilities.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader. However, make sure that every paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to enhance the logical structure.
task achievement
Ensure that all your main points are supported with relevant examples. For instance, you mention the benefits of volunteering for job opportunities, but providing a specific example could strengthen this.
clear ideas
Try to reduce grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity. Small linguistic adjustments can make your ideas come across more comprehensively.
introduction conclusion
You've structured your essay with an introduction and conclusion, which gives a clear framework for your response.
task achievement
The essay discusses the topic thoroughly by highlighting both personal and societal benefits of unpaid community service.
supported main points
You've managed to position your main idea strongly in each paragraph, showing how the argument is supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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