It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?
In every country on the earth, there is disagreement around the topic of
retirement
age
. Few
years ago, the Change the article
A few
retirement
age
was 60. However
, In this
era, some folk prefers
to work after their Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
retirement
limit. Notwithstanding this
situation, In some
some nations Correct quantifier usage
apply
government
are climbing the Fix the agreement mistake
governments
retirement
number. In my contention, I totally agree that government
should increase the Correct article usage
the government
retirement
age
.
To begin
with, there are numerous paramount reasons that support to increase the
Change preposition
in the
retirement
number. First and foremost, after the
Correct article usage
apply
retirement
the majority of individuals are alone in their home
; Fix the agreement mistake
homes
therefore
, they initiate
Verb problem
apply
suffer
Wrong verb form
suffering
with
various health Change preposition
from
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
such
as anxiety, depression
. Correct word choice
and depression
Likewise
, many people
feels
active and healthy when they follow their daily life routine. Change the verb form
feel
For example
, a recent servey
conducted by Time News of India indicates that Correct your spelling
survey
people
who take late retirement
are more healthy and active rather than worker
who take early Fix the agreement mistake
workers
retirement
.
Moving forward, many people
find hard
to live on Correct pronoun usage
it hard
the
Correct article usage
a
retirement
pension. Mostly
folks take home loans and other debt, Correct your spelling
Most
thus
on retirement
money people
cannot able to pay their installment
which Fix the agreement mistake
installments
gives
another stress in their Verb problem
causes
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
For instance
, an article written by the University of New York shows that 30% worker
in New York have their home loans after their Change preposition
of worker
retirement
. Additionally
, many studies showed that people
are still active after the age
of 60 and they are capable to do
their job duties.
In a nutshell, Change preposition
of doing
although
there is no doubt some people
prefers
to take early Change the verb form
prefer
retirement
, so they can enjoy their
rest of life. Change the word
the
Nervetheless
, 60 is not a suitable Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
age
for retirement
; hence
many nations are booming
the Verb problem
increasing
retirement
age
.Submitted by taniamall786 on
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language
Try to refine your language use to reduce minor grammatical errors and improve clarity. For example, replace 'few years ago' with 'a few years ago,' and 'some folk prefers' with 'some folks prefer.' These improvements will enhance readability.
task response
Ensure that your main points are fully developed and supported with more specific examples or data. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on more varied sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing. This variety can make your ideas clearer and more engaging for the reader.
task response
Your essay effectively identifies the main issue of increasing the retirement age and presents a clear stance in support of it. This clarity is essential for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have organized your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure helps in maintaining the reader's interest and understanding.
task response
Your ideas about the health implications and financial challenges faced by individuals after retirement are well-expressed and relevant to the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?