IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It was common in the past for people to retire at 60. Now more and more people are choosing to continue working past the official retirement age, with some countries even increasing the official age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree with this change? Why?

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In every country on the earth, there is disagreement around the topic of
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
.
Few
Change the article
A few
show examples
 years ago, the
retirement
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age
Use synonyms
 was 60.
However
Linking Words
, In
this
Linking Words
 era, some folk
prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
show examples
 to work after their
retirement
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 limit. Notwithstanding
this
Linking Words
 situation, In
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
some nations
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 are climbing the
retirement
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 number. In my contention, I totally agree that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should increase the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are numerous paramount reasons that support to increase
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
retirement
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 number. First and foremost, after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement
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 the majority of individuals are alone in their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
;
therefore
Linking Words
, they
initiate
Verb problem
apply
show examples
suffer
Wrong verb form
suffering
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 various health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety,
depression
Correct word choice
and depression
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.
Likewise
Linking Words
, many
people
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feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 active and healthy when they follow their daily life routine.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent
servey
Correct your spelling
survey
 conducted by Time News of India indicates that
people
Use synonyms
 who take late
retirement
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 are more healthy and active rather than
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 who take early
retirement
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. Moving forward, many
people
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 find
hard
Correct pronoun usage
it hard
show examples
 to live on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
retirement
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 pension.
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
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 folks take home loans and other debt,
thus
Linking Words
 on
retirement
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 money
people
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 cannot able to pay their
installment
Fix the agreement mistake
installments
show examples
 which
gives
Verb problem
causes
show examples
 another stress in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, an article written by the University of New York shows that 30%
worker
Change preposition
of worker
show examples
 in New York have their home loans after their
retirement
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many studies showed that
people
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 are still active after the
age
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 of 60 and they are capable
to do
Change preposition
of doing
show examples
 their job duties. In a nutshell,
although
Linking Words
 there is no doubt some
people
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prefers
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 to take early
retirement
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, so they can enjoy
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 rest of life.
Nervetheless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, 60 is not a suitable
age
Use synonyms
 for
retirement
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;
hence
Linking Words
 many nations are
booming
Verb problem
increasing
show examples
 the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
.

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language
Try to refine your language use to reduce minor grammatical errors and improve clarity. For example, replace 'few years ago' with 'a few years ago,' and 'some folk prefers' with 'some folks prefer.' These improvements will enhance readability.
task response
Ensure that your main points are fully developed and supported with more specific examples or data. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on more varied sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing. This variety can make your ideas clearer and more engaging for the reader.
task response
Your essay effectively identifies the main issue of increasing the retirement age and presents a clear stance in support of it. This clarity is essential for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have organized your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure helps in maintaining the reader's interest and understanding.
task response
Your ideas about the health implications and financial challenges faced by individuals after retirement are well-expressed and relevant to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • life expectancy
  • economic necessity
  • financial insecurity
  • aging population
  • workforce diversity
  • knowledge transfer
  • cognitive benefits
  • age discrimination
  • physical capability
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