IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the opinion of some people, internet has narrowed the gap among people in the world by increasing social interaction. To what extent do you agree/disagree with this view?

#people #internet #gap #world #interaction
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
gap
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 between individuals has become larger
due to
Linking Words
 social
interaction
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 in
this
Linking Words
 modern world. I completely agree with
this
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 notion
due to
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 the
internet
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 makes
people
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 can interact
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other without being
presence
Replace the word
present
show examples
, and it can be solved by keeping physical
interaction
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 among them.
Internet
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 allows
people
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easily
Fix the infinitive
to easily
show examples
 connect to others through their smartphones. As
communication
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 can be generated virtually, they do not need to meet each other physically.
For example
Linking Words
, many companies apply a Working From Anywhere (WFA) system and only
held
Wrong verb form
hold
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 online meetings via Zoom application these days.
As a result
Linking Words
, even though they work together in the same company, they barely see each other in person.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 advancement leads to the creation of many interesting applications that
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
show examples
people
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's attention. Take online games,
for instance
Linking Words
. Children used to play together
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hide and seek or
a
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apply
show examples
roleplay with their friends,
however
Linking Words
, it is now common to see the children prefer to play a Mobile Legend game
instead
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 of visiting their friends' homes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are glued to their phones all day without any social
interaction
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.
However
Linking Words
,
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gap
Correct article usage
the gap
show examples
 issue
that is
Linking Words
 generated by the
internet
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 can be tackled by maintaining physical interactions
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others,
such
Linking Words
 as planning
holiday
Add an article
a holiday
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together with
Linking Words
 friends every summer. That being said, it is important to be aware that the experience offered by direct
communication
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 is irreplaceable compared to virtual
communication
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. In conclusion, the
internet
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 profound to offer easier
communication
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 that generates a
gap
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 between
people
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 nowadays,
however
Linking Words
, the awareness of
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 direct
interaction
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 is needed in order to avoid
larger
Correct article usage
a larger
show examples
gap
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society in the future.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion by acknowledging any counterarguments or different perspectives in your essay. Consider discussing how the internet might also bridge gaps in certain ways.
task achievement
Develop your main points more thoroughly with additional supporting details or examples.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your argumentation by making distinct separation between main ideas and supporting details or examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that effectively summarize the main points.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples, such as working from anywhere and online games, to support the argument.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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