In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some contend that child employment, a popular practice in many countries, is wrong

while

Linking Words

others believe it can be a valuable experience both

Change preposition

show examples

learning and responsibility

measure

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measures

show examples

Although

Linking Words

working from a young

age

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might pose certain challenges, I believe the benefits it brings about overweight the drawbacks. Working from a young

age

Use synonyms

can have a negative impact on children's academic performance

as well as

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posing

Wrong verb form

pose

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significant threats to their safety. Working along

demanding

Correct article usage

a demanding

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school curriculum can be quite challenging. As studying hours decline, the likelihood of failing

increase

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increases

show examples

Moreover

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, working for long hours

frustrate

Correct subject-verb agreement

frustrates

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young minds and

result

Correct subject-verb agreement

results

show examples

in hindered productivity and efficacy,

as a result

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of which children

would

Verb problem

apply

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perform poorly on their exams.

secondly

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, young children are prone to various social hazards. without enough knowledge about threats and dangers, they might become a victim of sexual abuse or

being

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mistreated because they are not able to defend themselves properly. Apart from several potential threats, working can bring about advantages that will contribute to their future success.

Although

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one

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's social perspective might change

throughout

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over

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

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time,

one

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's experiences from a young

age

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stay dominant in most cases. Working provides an opportunity to stretch

one

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's social circle and dime the influence of prejudices;

hence

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, it helps individuals

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apply

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cement fulfilling relationships with people as they gain a broader understanding of all walks of life.

Moreover

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, working is a good way to learn about collaboration and resilience, two key aspects of

one

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's personality that

makes

Correct subject-verb agreement

make

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them stand out among their peers. In conclusion, working from a young

age

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can pose certain downturns,

however

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its benefits eclipse those disadvantages.

ghazalmoosavi79Sun Oct 06 2024

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support the arguments. Adding real-world instances or data could strengthen your task response.

task achievement

Clarify complex ideas and make sure each point is fully explored and explained. Brief expansions can aid comprehension.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking phrases to aid flow and coherence.

coherence cohesion

Proofread for minor language inaccuracies and consider structural variety to improve sentence flow and overall coherence.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main ideas well.

task achievement

Both sides of the argument are considered, providing a balanced discussion of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Child labor
Exploitation
Minimum age
Work experience
Survival
Taking responsibility
Education
Poverty
Legal restrictions
Physical toll
Psychological impact
Cultural perceptions
International conventions
Economic impact
Work-study programs
Skilled labor
Unskilled labor
Developing economies
Moral implications
Professional development

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In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that media literacy is one of the most important skill that every person should acquire in twenty-first century. Do you agree or disagree? How do you think this type of literacy should be acquired?

Some think they can use as much fresh water as they want, but others say governments should limit water use because it's not endless

In many countries, the government prioritizes economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?