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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #children #work #people #responsibility
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Some contend that child employment, a popular practice in many countries, is wrong
while
 others believe it can be a valuable experience both
on
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in
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 learning and responsibility
measure
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measures
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.
Although
 working from a young
age
 might pose certain challenges, I believe the benefits it brings about overweight the drawbacks. Working from a young
age
 can have a negative impact on children's academic performance
as well as
posing
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pose
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 significant threats to their safety. Working along
demanding
Correct article usage
a demanding
show examples
 school curriculum can be quite challenging. As studying hours decline, the likelihood of failing
increase
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increases
show examples
.
Moreover
, working for long hours
frustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
frustrates
show examples
 young minds and
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in hindered productivity and efficacy,
as a result
 of which children
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
perform poorly on their exams.
secondly
, young children are prone to various social hazards. without enough knowledge about threats and dangers, they might become a victim of sexual abuse or
being
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be
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 mistreated because they are not able to defend themselves properly. Apart from several potential threats, working can bring about advantages that will contribute to their future success.
Although
one
's social perspective might change
throughout
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over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time,
one
's experiences from a young
age
 stay dominant in most cases. Working provides an opportunity to stretch
one
's social circle and dime the influence of prejudices;
hence
, it helps individuals
to
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apply
show examples
cement fulfilling relationships with people as they gain a broader understanding of all walks of life.
Moreover
, working is a good way to learn about collaboration and resilience, two key aspects of
one
's personality that
makes
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make
show examples
 them stand out among their peers. In conclusion, working from a young
age
 can pose certain downturns,
however
 its benefits eclipse those disadvantages.
Submitted by ghazalmoosavi79 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support the arguments. Adding real-world instances or data could strengthen your task response.
task achievement
Clarify complex ideas and make sure each point is fully explored and explained. Brief expansions can aid comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking phrases to aid flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for minor language inaccuracies and consider structural variety to improve sentence flow and overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main ideas well.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are considered, providing a balanced discussion of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
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