IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that it is better to promote healthy lifestyles and a health diet than spend so much money to treat obese people.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

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The importance of encouraging the masses about healthy routines rather than squandering finances among ill patients has always been debatable and has now become more controversial with many people claiming that healthy lifestyle promotion is beneficial
while
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 others reject
this
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 notion. The substantial influence of
this
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 trend has sparked controversy over its potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, the former proposition appears to be more rational.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate my personal perspective and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement, and explaining
further
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 the first and foremost reason behind the policy of healthy routine habits increases productivity eliminates unhealthy substances from consumer markets and alleviates positive energy in the communities. Another striking benefit in
this
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 regard is that circulating awareness about nutritious meal preparation suppresses food poisoning, and stomach infections, and ultimately improves
overall
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 immunity. Authority should encourage citizens to adopt exercise routines,
as a result
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,
this
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 phenomenon accelerates fitness and builds stamina, where
this
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 activity not only increases physical mobility but
also
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 reduces mental health problems
such
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 as depression, anxiety and Disruptive behaviour,
as a result
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, a person produces effective results in their personal and professional life.
For example
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, an individual who is involved in physical activities often feels confident and achieves difficult tasks effortlessly. On second thought, a couple of reasons drive me to consider the opposite notion as well, many people are born with related challenges providing them with healthcare services is the moral duty of the community and authority,
Hence
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, it is apparent that medical care should be facilitated to the individual in need. To recapitulate,
according to
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 the arguments and aforementioned, I reach the conclusion that the benefits of promoting a healthier lifestyle unless spending taxpayer's funds on obese individuals is indeed too great.
Nevertheless
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, its potential need for ill patients should not be overlooked.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a clear and singular topic sentence. This helps maintain a logical flow and makes it easier for the reader to follow the argument. Avoid packing multiple ideas into one paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points, particularly in discussing the benefits and drawbacks of promoting a healthy lifestyle versus treating obesity. This can add clarity and depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay opens with a clear introduction, outlining the controversy and positioning your stance on the issue, which sets a strong tone for the argument.
task achievement
You have effectively balanced the arguments for and against the topic, demonstrating a good understanding of both sides, which enriches the essay's task response.
coherence cohesion
You conclude the essay effectively by summarizing your main points and reiterating your stance, which effectively reinforces your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • cost-effective
  • obesity-related diseases
  • public health costs
  • quality of life
  • life expectancy
  • health education
  • infrastructure
  • physical activity
  • healthcare systems
  • medical interventions
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