IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to reduce traffic accidents is to raise the age limit for younger drivers and to lower the age limit for elderly ones. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and any relevant examples.

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Nowadays, some
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people
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believes
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believe
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, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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accidents
has
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have
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 been done by
the
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apply
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teenagers because of their
age
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 limit and others be like
elder
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older
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 ones. In
this
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 essay, I strongly believe that elder
people
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’s
age
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 limit to be reduced because of their lack of driving,
less
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and less
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concentration
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to
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apply
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them
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apply
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.
Firstly
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, elder
people
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 are really difficult to
drive
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 vehicles
due to
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 the
age
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 factor. Especially, they have some physical challenges to
drive
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.
For instance
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, old
age
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people
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drive
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the
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apply
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vehicle
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vehicles
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 continuously so they feel very tired,
also
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 they
would
Verb problem
are
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 not able to control
much
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many
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 things.
In
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Additionally
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additionally
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,
people
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 who are
in
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apply
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elder
Correct your spelling
older
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age
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, they are
insufficient
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unable
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 to
drive
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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long
distance
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distances
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,
it
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so it
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 could
more
Add a missing verb
be more
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challenges
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challenging
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 for them to take over.
On the other hand
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, elder
age
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 persons
having
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have
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 less
concentration
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due to
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 their insight problems.
For example
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, they are working in a transport company, they are carrying goods to other location, it might
be take
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take
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 more than a day, in
this
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 condition they feel alone, thinking about their families so they could less
concentration
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while
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 they
drive
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 a truck or lorry or bus.
Moreover
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, they can
feel
Verb problem
fall
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sleep
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asleep
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 because of continuous driving,
this
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 kind of action
occurs to be
Verb problem
results in
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 an accident and
its
Correct your spelling
is
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 more risk for their life and others.
To conclude
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, I strongly agree
with
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apply
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that
elder
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elderly
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 one
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not suitable to
drive
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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vehicles because of
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 less
concentration
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 and
aware
Replace the word
awareness
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 of driving
due to
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 their
age
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 factors so the government should
be take
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take
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 some action
for
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apply
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this
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apply
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to reduce the
age
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 limit for them.
While
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 taking
this
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 action,
consequently
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 we could control and reduce the accidents.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline both sides of the argument in the introduction and conclude with a balanced viewpoint if choosing such a position.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively and engage the reader.
coherence
Ensure that your essay flows logically from one point to the next by using transitions effectively between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence
Provide a clear introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss and a conclusion that effectively summarizes your arguments without introducing new information.
task achievement
You have identified a clear stance in your introduction, giving your opinion on the issue presented.
coherence
The essay showcases a clear main point, focusing on the challenges faced by elderly drivers.
task achievement
You attempted to provide examples to support your argument, which strengthens the essay's persuasiveness.
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