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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the graph and taple below show the average monthly temeratures and thw average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.

the graph and taple below show the average monthly temeratures and thw average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.
#taple #show #temeratures #thw #hours #sunshine #year #three #cities
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The graph and table represent the monthly change in
temperature
 in
three
 cities (
London
,New
York
 and
Sydney
) and the yearly time of sunshine (in
hours
).
Overall
, the
temperature
degrees
 vary throughout the 12
months
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the year for the
three
 cities. for the first
three
months
, the degree
temperature
 in
Sydney
 was the highest.
In contrast
,
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 New
York
 and Londen where the
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
 were10,
5
Correct word choice
and 5
show examples
respectively. for the
follower
Add a comma
follower,
show examples
 four
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
, the
degrees
 of
temperature
 in New
York
 and
London
 increase Significantly reaching
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak at
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30, 23. white the Howeve in
Sydney
 it declined to almost 15
degrees
 by the end of July. For the first
three
months
, the
temperature
 in
Sydney
 was the highest at around 25
degrees
.
In contrast
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 New
York
 and
London
 where the temperatures were 10,and
5degrees
Correct your spelling
5 degrees
 respectively. For the
followers
Change noun form
follower's
followers'
show examples
 four
months
, the
degrees
 of
temperature
 in New
York
 and
London
 increased Significantly reaching the peak at 30 and 23
degrees
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in
Sydney
Add a comma
Sydney,
show examples
 it declined to almost 15
degrees
 by the end of July.
Afterwords
Correct your spelling
Afterwards
show examples
, for the
last
 five
months
 of the year. The monthly
temperature
 in
Sydney
 slightly increased from 17 to 25
degrees
.
While
 in
Newyork
Correct your spelling
New York
show examples
 and
London
 it
falled
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
 gradually throughout
this
 period. Considering the sunshine durations, New
York
 was the longest by 2,535
hours
then
sydney
Change the capitalization
Sydney
show examples
 for 2,473
hours
 .
while
London
 was the shortest city for 1, 180
hours
.
Submitted by elafalgarni on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, three, london, york, sydney, hours, degrees, months with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
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