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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the graph and taple below show the average monthly temeratures and thw average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.

the graph and taple below show the average monthly temeratures and thw average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.
#taple #show #temeratures #thw #hours #sunshine #year #three #cities
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The graph and table represent the monthly change in
temperature
Use synonyms
 in
three
Use synonyms
 cities (
London
Use synonyms
,New
York
Use synonyms
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
) and the yearly time of sunshine (in
hours
Use synonyms
).
Overall
Linking Words
, the
temperature
Use synonyms
degrees
Use synonyms
 vary throughout the 12
months
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the year for the
three
Use synonyms
 cities. for the first
three
Use synonyms
months
Use synonyms
, the degree
temperature
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 was the highest.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 New
York
Use synonyms
 and Londen where the
Use synonyms
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
 were10,
5
Correct word choice
and 5
show examples
respectively. for the
follower
Add a comma
follower,
show examples
 four
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
, the
degrees
Use synonyms
 of
temperature
Use synonyms
 in New
York
Use synonyms
 and
London
Use synonyms
 increase Significantly reaching
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak at
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30, 23. white the Howeve in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 it declined to almost 15
degrees
Use synonyms
 by the end of July. For the first
three
Use synonyms
months
Use synonyms
, the
temperature
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 was the highest at around 25
degrees
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 New
York
Use synonyms
 and
London
Use synonyms
 where the temperatures were 10,and
5degrees
Correct your spelling
5 degrees
 respectively. For the
followers
Change noun form
follower's
followers'
show examples
 four
months
Use synonyms
, the
degrees
Use synonyms
 of
temperature
Use synonyms
 in New
York
Use synonyms
 and
London
Use synonyms
 increased Significantly reaching the peak at 30 and 23
degrees
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
Sydney
Add a comma
Sydney,
show examples
 it declined to almost 15
degrees
Use synonyms
 by the end of July.
Afterwords
Correct your spelling
Afterwards
show examples
, for the
last
Linking Words
 five
months
Use synonyms
 of the year. The monthly
temperature
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 slightly increased from 17 to 25
degrees
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 in
Newyork
Correct your spelling
New York
show examples
 and
London
Use synonyms
 it
falled
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
 gradually throughout
this
Linking Words
 period. Considering the sunshine durations, New
York
Use synonyms
 was the longest by 2,535
hours
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
Use synonyms
sydney
Change the capitalization
Sydney
show examples
 for 2,473
hours
Use synonyms
 .
while
Linking Words
London
Use synonyms
 was the shortest city for 1, 180
hours
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by elafalgarni on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, three, london, york, sydney, hours, degrees, months with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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