Some people think that private health care is better for the people. Others say that health care should be free of charge and run by the government. How far do you agree or disagree with the statement.

there are some
people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
that private
health
care
is useful for
people
but there are
another
Replace the adjective
other
show examples
people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
care
should be free by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
In
this
essay, I will outline why I hardly agree
that
Change preposition
with that
show examples
statement. First and foremost, In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society ,As there
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
population
growing
Wrong verb form
has grown
show examples
up recently
Rephrase
rapidly
show examples
, many
people
especially
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
,they always sick and they should go to the hospital to see
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
the doctor
show examples
.
However
,there are a lot of
people
in Hong Kong ,if the
government
give free
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
private
care
for
people
,
then
it will affect many
people
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
to
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
show examples
to cure disease.
Therefore
there are lack of
madical
Correct your spelling
medical
staff ,and
let
Verb problem
this makes
show examples
them feel tired.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
they maybe work over
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
Secondly
,I think if private
health
care
is free for everyone ,it will
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
the
government
had effort
expensive
Fix the infinitive
to expensive
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.The
government
should spend a lot of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
priate
Correct your spelling
private
health
care
.
However
, there are many in needs
people
in Hong Kong ,
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private
health
care
to cure disease, if the
government
money spend all,
then
they cannot
eccept
Correct your spelling
accept
treat
Replace the word
treatment
show examples
.
Most
Add an article
A most
The most
show examples
important problem is aging population continues to arise. In conclusion ,there are some
people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
that private
health
care
is useful for
people
but there are
another
Replace the adjective
other
show examples
people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
care
should be free by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. I hardly
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
statement.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by outlining your arguments more clearly. Organize your ideas into separate paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion to improve coherence.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples and evidence. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the debate over private versus government-funded healthcare effectively.
task achievement
The attempt to provide reasoning for your opinion, such as discussing potential governmental financial strain and the pressure on healthcare workers, demonstrates a good start towards task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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