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Band 5

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishments #offences #traffic #accidents #measures #road #safety
People have different views about how to go down
accidents
 on
roads
.
While
 some argue that punishing strictly
drivers
 who drive carelessly is the most important factor
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
 travellers’ safety, I still believe that there are other efficient methods to make our
roads
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
safer. On the one hand, there are main reasons why it could be argued that strict
punishments
 can be the most significant method to reduce
accidents
 on
roads
. The first one is
punishments
scare
Correct pronoun usage
that scare
show examples
drivers
 who break the law, even if
accidents
 have not happened yet.
For example
, they still can be punished some days in jail and a large amount of money. If there is a serious accident by
infraction
Correct article usage
an infraction
show examples
 or serious
accidents
, these
drivers
 can be put in prison for months or years.
Furthermore
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
strict
punishments
 can warn people who travel on
roads
 need to follow traffic regulations or laws. If they cause
accidents
 by carelessness or infractions, their future would
might
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
end up in prison.
On the other hand
, I believe that safe driving can be
also
 promoted in many more effective ways than punishing
drivers
.
Firstly
, educating children in school and with their families about how to travel or drive safely. Children can learn good habits from their parents and school, and
also
 they should learn how damage if
drivers
 drive carelessly,
consequently
, serious
accidents
 can be avoided from the very first stage.
Moreover
, governments should invest more in road infrastructure.
For instance
, in some reports
last
 year,
thousands
Add the preposition
thousands of
show examples
 cases of
accidents
 were caused
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 light traffic
systerms
Correct your spelling
systems
 or potholes and barriers. In conclusion,
while
punishments
 can help in improving safety on
roads
,
however
, in my opinion, we should combine some other effective ways to improve road safety in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term.
Submitted by duyuyen18 on

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Task Response
Focus on addressing all parts of the question comprehensively. Make sure to discuss both views thoroughly and present a clear opinion with balanced arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify and streamline your argumentation. Make sure the points clearly relate to the topic sentence of each paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use complex sentence structures more effectively to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Task Response
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which enhance the clarity of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
What to do next:
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