There was a time when people only shopped out of necessity, but these days shopping seems to have become a new form of leisure activity. People don't appreciate the value of money anymore. To what extent dou you agree with this view?

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In the past,

people

Use synonyms

only did shopping to fulfil their

necessity

Fix the agreement mistake

necessities

show examples

However

Linking Words

, these days

people

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use shopping as a favourite leisure activity. Some

people

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believe that

people

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do not accept the value of money anymore. I completely agree with

this

Linking Words

statement because today

people

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do shopping to

statisfy

Correct your spelling

satisfy

their

pleasure

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, and they want to

show

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their wealth to

others

Use synonyms

People

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want to get

pleasure

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by doing shopping. Purchasing new things

provide

Correct subject-verb agreement

provides

show examples

them with

pleasure

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. They love to explore shopping malls in their spare

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

and buy new things.

People

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purchase numerous unnecessary products which they do not need.

This

Linking Words

costs a huge amount of money to them.

For example

Linking Words

, in Australia, the young generation buys unnecessary clothing which they never wear. But those new items in their closet increase their

pleasure

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. To gain

this

Linking Words

pleasure

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, they do

this

Linking Words

unnecessary shopping.

Moreover

Linking Words

people

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want to

show

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their materialistic wealth to

others

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. It is a common trend that those who have more expensive staff, are respected by

others

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in society.

This

Linking Words

trend makes

people

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obsessed

about

Change preposition

with

show examples

shopping. The more they shop, the more they will be respected by

others

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For instance

Linking Words

people

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want to buy luxury cars and houses to

show

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their rich lifestyle to

others

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. They believe that their materialistic wealth makes

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

presentable in front of

others

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. In conclusion,

people

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love to shop more than

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

past because they earn

pleasure

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from it.

People

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consider it

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a favourite pastime.

Moreover

Linking Words

people

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also

Linking Words

purchase unnecessary stuff because they want to

show

Use synonyms

their richness to

others

Use synonyms

rahman_rehanaMon Oct 07 2024

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clarity

Some sentences lack clarity due to slightly awkward phrasing. For example, instead of 'new items in their closet increase their pleasure,' consider stating, 'adding new items to their wardrobe brings them joy.' Review your sentences for clarity and smoother readability.

development

While you have provided examples, you might further strengthen your argument by elaborating on the broader implications or consequences of these behaviors. This could help enrich your analysis.

structure

You have a well-structured essay with clear paragraphs for each main idea. The organization enhances readability and understanding.

introduction

Your introduction effectively presents the topic and clearly states your position. It sets a strong foundation for your argument.

content

You successfully identified two main reasons supporting your viewpoint: shopping for pleasure and to display wealth. This supports the task response effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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There was a time when people only shopped out of necessity, but these days shopping seems to have become a new form of leisure activity. People don't appreciate the value of money anymore. To what extent dou you agree with this view?

Your opinion

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. others believe that children who are tauht to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both the viewsand give your own opinion.

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Write a letter to a teacher asking for a reference letter for a job and explain: •Why you have chosen him to write the reference letter •What kind of job you are applying for •Why you think you are suitable for this job

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Others people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.