There was a time when people only shopped out of necessity, but these days shopping seems to have become a new form of leisure activity. People don't appreciate the value of money anymore. To what extent dou you agree with this view?

#time #people #necessity #form #leisure #activity #value #money #dou

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In the past,

people

Use synonyms

only did shopping to fulfil their

necessity

Fix the agreement mistake

necessities

show examples

However

Linking Words

, these days

people

Use synonyms

use shopping as a favourite leisure activity. Some

people

Use synonyms

believe that

people

Use synonyms

do not accept the value of money anymore. I completely agree with

this

Linking Words

statement because today

people

Use synonyms

do shopping to

statisfy

Correct your spelling

satisfy

their

pleasure

Use synonyms

, and they want to

show

Use synonyms

their wealth to

others

Use synonyms

People

Use synonyms

want to get

pleasure

Use synonyms

by doing shopping. Purchasing new things

provide

Correct subject-verb agreement

provides

show examples

them with

pleasure

Use synonyms

. They love to explore shopping malls in their spare

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

and buy new things.

People

Use synonyms

purchase numerous unnecessary products which they do not need.

This

Linking Words

costs a huge amount of money to them.

For example

Linking Words

, in Australia, the young generation buys unnecessary clothing which they never wear. But those new items in their closet increase their

pleasure

Use synonyms

. To gain

this

Linking Words

pleasure

Use synonyms

, they do

this

Linking Words

unnecessary shopping.

Moreover

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

want to

show

Use synonyms

their materialistic wealth to

others

Use synonyms

. It is a common trend that those who have more expensive staff, are respected by

others

Use synonyms

in society.

This

Linking Words

trend makes

people

Use synonyms

obsessed

about

Change preposition

with

show examples

shopping. The more they shop, the more they will be respected by

others

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

want to buy luxury cars and houses to

show

Use synonyms

their rich lifestyle to

others

Use synonyms

. They believe that their materialistic wealth makes

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

presentable in front of

others

Use synonyms

. In conclusion,

people

Use synonyms

love to shop more than

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

past because they earn

pleasure

Use synonyms

from it.

People

Use synonyms

consider it

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a favourite pastime.

Moreover

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

purchase unnecessary stuff because they want to

show

Use synonyms

their richness to

others

Use synonyms

Submitted by rahman_rehana on Mon Oct 07 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity

Some sentences lack clarity due to slightly awkward phrasing. For example, instead of 'new items in their closet increase their pleasure,' consider stating, 'adding new items to their wardrobe brings them joy.' Review your sentences for clarity and smoother readability.

development

While you have provided examples, you might further strengthen your argument by elaborating on the broader implications or consequences of these behaviors. This could help enrich your analysis.

structure

You have a well-structured essay with clear paragraphs for each main idea. The organization enhances readability and understanding.

introduction

Your introduction effectively presents the topic and clearly states your position. It sets a strong foundation for your argument.

content

You successfully identified two main reasons supporting your viewpoint: shopping for pleasure and to display wealth. This supports the task response effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or exper
In this day and night, competition has established its roots in all ways of life. A section of society vehemently deems that being cutthroat has heinous effects on students' lives, whereas others assert that being competitive motivates learners to accomplish their dreams. Although this essay will scrutinize both perspectives in the forthcoming paragraphs, I concur with both views.
6
band
Many people use social media every day to get in touch with others and news events. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages
It is undeniable that social media plays a vital role in our lives today. From my point of view, even though this social media not only provides us with all the information about events or activities but also plays a part in communication, they offer deceiving and cheating which lead to some serious damage to our community such as scammer, fraud and hackers.
5.5
band
Many people say that globalization and the growing number of multinational companies have a negative effect on the environment. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.
Nowadays, the situation with climate change is getting catastrophic. It is often considered that global companies are in charge of that, as they usually prioritize profit over sustainability. I partially agree with this point, since transnational corporations tend to pollute the environment without taking measures to improve the situation. However, I think that it is the government that should protect nature in the first place, setting laws to regulate harmful business activity.
6
band
You will be celebrating your son's 6 th birthday next week. you want to invite one of your colleagues to attend the birthday party.Write an invitation letter to this colleague.In your letter , invite your colleague to your son's birthday party,give details of the party and it's date and time , say how happy you and your family would be to have him/ her at the party.
How are you. I hope your life is going great. You know, we have been working together for a long time, so soon will be my son's birthday and I going to celebrate it. I am inviting all my relatives, my friends and I would be so glad if you could come to the birthday.
7.5
band
Some people believe that it is good for a country’s culture to import foreign movies and TV programs. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Many individuals think that importing foreign films and TV programs is good for the nation’s culture while the other say that investing in local movies is a better choice. This writer agrees with the former statement because it not only provides knowledge of different countries but also saves time and will discuss both views in this writing essay.

There was a time when people only shopped out of necessity, but these days shopping seems to have become a new form of leisure activity. People don't appreciate the value of money anymore. To what extent dou you agree with this view?

Your opinion

Many people use social media every day to get in touch with others and news events. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

Some people believe that it is good for a country’s culture to import foreign movies and TV programs. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.