Some students take a year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to work or to travel. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Social
media
I guess that the
impact
of social
media
on society might be very different. Yes, social
media
really
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
the costs of connections between people from different countries but it
also
can be the
platforms
Fix the agreement mistake
platform
show examples
for
spreading
Correct article usage
the spreading
show examples
of terrorism and
nacionalizm
Correct your spelling
nationalism
. In my opinion, we mustn’t forget about these risks especially nowadays. As we can see, in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
world the problem of terrorism is actual yet.
Unfortently
Correct your spelling
Unfortunately
, a
lot
of terrorists today use different internet platforms to communicate and plan operations. In my opinion, governments all over the world should pay
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
attention to
this
problem and social
media
can’t be
almostly
Correct your spelling
almost
uncontrollable. Grading The topic of grading has generated much discussion in recent years. My personal belief is that grading can really say a
lot
about
student’s
Correct article usage
a student’s
show examples
knowledge. It is essential for
Add an article
the
show examples
university
to know whether
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
is studying
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
or not. After
graduation
Add a comma
graduation,
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
will have
diploma
Correct article usage
a diploma
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
this
university
and if
student
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
with
diploma
Correct article usage
a diploma
show examples
demonstrates bad knowledge
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the workplace it will decrease the reputation of
this
university
that
overall
will have
really
Correct article usage
a really
show examples
bad
impact
on
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
. But if
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
are studying
bad
Change the word
badly
show examples
the
university
can dismiss
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
before graduation. I understand Lida’s concern over the grading but I believe she misses
critical
Add an article
the critical
show examples
point that I provided. Taxing unhealthy products The topic of taxing unhealthy products has generated much discussion in recent years. My personal belief is that it can be
really
Add an article
a really
show examples
good idea that might increase social welfare. Unhealthy products especially with a
lot
of sugar can trigger addiction that after all will have
awful
Add an article
an awful
show examples
impact
on
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
health. I understand Tanya’s concern over the families with low income but I believe that she misses another important point. We can use the revenue from
taxing
Replace the word
taxation
show examples
to increase subsidies to
such
families and
this
initiative will have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
impact
even
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
these families. Because of
this
thing
Add a comma
thing,
show examples
I believe that we should at least try to realise
such
taxing. AI The topic of AI has generated much discussion in recent years. My personal belief is that AI technology has more benefits
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
minuses. I can’t agree with Megan about the rising inequality after using AI. We shouldn’t avoid
implementation
Correct article usage
the implementation
show examples
of new technologies only because they will change the labour market. As
steam
Add an article
a steam
show examples
engine, AI will cause a
lot
of big changes in
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
market but after all
implementation
of
such
techlogies
Correct your spelling
technologies
will increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social welfare. I guess that
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
stages of
implementation
Correct article usage
the implementation
show examples
of AI government should help those workers who lost their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
Overall
, I think that with
help
Correct article usage
the help
show examples
of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
implementation
of AI will be a really good idea.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Include clear introductions for each topic to guide the reader. Your essay dives into multiple topics without clear distinctions. Ensure each section has a strong opening.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a coherent structure with a clear beginning, middle, and end for each topic addressed. This will help in guiding the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Provide relevant examples to support your points, particularly in sections discussing complex issues like AI and social media risks.
task achievement
Develop each point more comprehensively to ensure the reader can fully grasp your perspective.
coherence cohesion
Conclude each section with a summarizing statement that reinforces your view of the advantages and disadvantages discussed.
task achievement
You addressed a variety of current issues, showing a well-rounded awareness of global topics.
coherence cohesion
You shared personal beliefs and opinions on important topics like technology and health, giving a personal touch to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gap year
  • Real-world experience
  • Personal growth
  • Enhanced employability
  • Academic pressures
  • Maturity
  • Academic momentum
  • Financial implications
  • Out of sync
  • Lack of structure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: