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Band 5

many people try to achieve succes through their career or education. what can success mean to different people? what is your view of success.

#people #succes #career #education #success
for many
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
success
 is reachable only with
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 or education.
Success
 is different for everyone,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 in my point of view
success
 is
exclusive
Add an article
an exclusive
the exclusive
show examples
 house with
lovely
Add an article
a lovely
the lovely
show examples
 family and
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 you enjoy. It is evident that for most of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 accomplishment is just a
numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
number
show examples
.
More
Correct article usage
The more
show examples
 money they get or
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
 they
are getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 on their
work
, most of all office or other hard and not interesting
work
,
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 they
are thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 that they are achieving prosperity. People just give all their time to
get raising
Wrong verb form
raise
show examples
 and earn more. For them reaching the highest rank is realisation, becoming boss or something like
this
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
. It is not connected only to
work
,
for example
 becoming most famous and
recognizible
Correct your spelling
recognizable
 in their sphere is
also
 their path to
achievment
Correct your spelling
achievement
. For
myself
Add a comma
myself,
show examples
success
 is
life
Add an article
a life
show examples
 goal. A cottage in
europe
Change the capitalization
Europe
show examples
, in
sunny
Correct article usage
a sunny
show examples
 city, maybe in
mayami
Change the capitalization
Mayami
show examples
 or
dubai
Change the capitalization
Dubai
show examples
, near the sea, where
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would live with my family, and my job should be enjoyable, just if
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am going to my second home
instead
 of
work
. as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am growing my view could change, but for
this
 moment it is my opinion.
Therefore
 in my personal view
success
 is following dreams and
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
trying to obtain them.
to conclude
, the road to accomplishing triumph is different for everyone,
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on age, status, and their own desire. having
plan
Add an article
a plan
show examples
 of
success
 is
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 thing, and if you have it it is possible to reach.
success
Capitalize word
Success
show examples
 is
complex
Add an article
a complex
show examples
 concern that not everyone can get
conclusive
Correct article usage
a conclusive
show examples
 idea
.
Change preposition
of.
show examples
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Try to develop your ideas further with more detailed explanations and examples. This will help to ensure your response fully addresses the task.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph develops its main idea clearly and logically. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Aim to have a clear and consistent viewpoint throughout your essay, possibly beginning with a stronger introductory thesis statement.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, presenting your personal perspective on success.
task achievement
You have managed to highlight different viewpoints on what success means to various people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is organized with a logical flow from introduction to conclusion, and each paragraph has a distinct purpose.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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