Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
modern
Add an article
the modern

The noun phrase modern era seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
era, a lot of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

try to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve

If you don’t want achive to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

their goals and
succes
Correct your spelling
success

If you don’t want succes to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

through their career or education, it is
kinda
Correct your spelling
kind

The word kinda doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
difficult
Change preposition
of difficult

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
and for
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Add a comma
this,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase for this. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
they should have
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
great knowledge.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
it
Correct pronoun usage
this

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
is not always true. In my point view, achieving success
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes

It seems that the verb make does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
parents
be
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb be appears to be unnecessary here.

show examples
proud of their children and it is really important to them. Many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have their own thinking and vision of how to be successful. Actually, in my opinion, to be
financial
Change the adjective
financially

It appears that the adjective financial is attempting to modify the adjective independent. Consider replacing it with an adverb.

show examples
independent can be
great
Add an article
a great

The noun phrase great success seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
success.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, looking to the future, when
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

could
Wrong verb form
can

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb could. Consider changing it.

show examples
buy something really
expancive
Correct your spelling
expensive
expansive

If you don’t want expancive to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

they will feel
absolutelly
Correct your spelling
absolutely

If you don’t want absolutelly to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

cheerfuly
Correct your spelling
cheerfully
cheerful

If you don’t want cheerfuly to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, tend to acquire
trimph
Correct your spelling
triumph

If you don’t want trimph to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

ought to work
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely

If you don’t want extremly to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

hard and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply

Oops! It appears that you typed and twice in a row. Consider deleting one of them.

show examples
study at least some hours
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
a day.
In
Change preposition
Hence

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it will bring them to
successful
Add an article
a successful

The noun phrase successful life seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
life that every
peoply
Correct your spelling
person

If you don’t want peoply to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

can dream about. Another justification is that in our
contemprory
Correct your spelling
contemporary

If you don’t want contemprory to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

era
Add a comma
era,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in our contemprory era. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
not every
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

people
Fix the agreement mistake
person

It seems that people may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
can attain achievement
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the
competetition
Correct your spelling
competition

If you don’t want competetition to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

between companies.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to cover all parts of the task adequately to improve your score. While you discussed the concept of success, more perspective on what success can mean to different people would strengthen your response.
task achievement
Aim for clearer and more comprehensive ideas by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with well-defined points. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea with supporting details.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. This will make your arguments more convincing and help the reader understand your viewpoint better.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a stronger logical structure by laying out your introduction clearly, developing your argument in body paragraphs, and then drawing a clear conclusion to summarize your views.
task achievement
Good attempt to provide a personal viewpoint and support it within the essay, showing engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains an introduction that outlines the general topic and sets the stage for discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
What to do next:
Look at other essays: