Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

#people #success #career #education

modern

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the modern

show examples

era, a lot of

people

try to

achive

Correct your spelling

achieve

their goals and

succes

Correct your spelling

success

through their career or education, it is

kinda

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kind

show examples

difficult

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of difficult

show examples

and for

this

Add a comma

this,

show examples

they should have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

great knowledge.

However

Correct pronoun usage

this

show examples

is not always true. In my point view, achieving success

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

parents

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

proud of their children and it is really important to them. Many

people

have their own thinking and vision of how to be successful. Actually, in my opinion, to be

financial

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financially

show examples

independent can be

great

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a great

show examples

success.

For example

, looking to the future, when

people

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

buy something really

expancive

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expensive

expansive

they will feel

absolutelly

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absolutely

cheerfuly

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cheerfully

cheerful

Moreover

, tend to acquire

trimph

Correct your spelling

triumph

people

ought to work

extremly

Correct your spelling

extremely

hard and

and

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

study at least some hours

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apply

show examples

a day.

Change preposition

Hence

show examples

hence

, it will bring them to

successful

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a successful

show examples

life that every

peoply

Correct your spelling

person

can dream about. Another justification is that in our

contemprory

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contemporary

era

Add a comma

era,

show examples

not every

people

Fix the agreement mistake

person

show examples

can attain achievement

due to

the

competetition

Correct your spelling

competition

between companies.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Mon Oct 07 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to cover all parts of the task adequately to improve your score. While you discussed the concept of success, more perspective on what success can mean to different people would strengthen your response.

task achievement

Aim for clearer and more comprehensive ideas by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with well-defined points. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea with supporting details.

task achievement

Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. This will make your arguments more convincing and help the reader understand your viewpoint better.

coherence cohesion

Consider improving the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a stronger logical structure by laying out your introduction clearly, developing your argument in body paragraphs, and then drawing a clear conclusion to summarize your views.

task achievement

Good attempt to provide a personal viewpoint and support it within the essay, showing engagement with the topic.

coherence cohesion

Your essay contains an introduction that outlines the general topic and sets the stage for discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

157 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

fulfillment
personal goals
happiness
career milestones
professional development
financial independence
security
philanthropy
contribution
personal development
recognition
work-life balance
self-improvement
well-being
subjective

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Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those time than they are now. What problems will this cause ? What can be done to solve these problems ?

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

To learn effecrively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problem are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or an negative development?