Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

In
modern
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the modern
show examples
era, a lot of
people
try to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
their goals and
succes
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success
through their career or education, it is
kinda
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kind
show examples
difficult
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of difficult
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and for
this
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this,
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they should have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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great knowledge.
However
,
it
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this
show examples
is not always true. In my point view, achieving success
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
parents
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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proud of their children and it is really important to them. Many
people
have their own thinking and vision of how to be successful. Actually, in my opinion, to be
financial
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financially
show examples
independent can be
great
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a great
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success.
For example
, looking to the future, when
people
could
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can
show examples
buy something really
expancive
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expensive
expansive
they will feel
absolutelly
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absolutely
cheerfuly
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cheerfully
cheerful
.
Moreover
, tend to acquire
trimph
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triumph
people
ought to work
extremly
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extremely
hard and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
study at least some hours
in
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apply
show examples
a day.
In
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Hence
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hence
, it will bring them to
successful
Add an article
a successful
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life that every
peoply
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person
can dream about. Another justification is that in our
contemprory
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contemporary
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
not every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
can attain achievement
due to
the
competetition
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competition
between companies.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Make sure to cover all parts of the task adequately to improve your score. While you discussed the concept of success, more perspective on what success can mean to different people would strengthen your response.
task achievement
Aim for clearer and more comprehensive ideas by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with well-defined points. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea with supporting details.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. This will make your arguments more convincing and help the reader understand your viewpoint better.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a stronger logical structure by laying out your introduction clearly, developing your argument in body paragraphs, and then drawing a clear conclusion to summarize your views.
task achievement
Good attempt to provide a personal viewpoint and support it within the essay, showing engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains an introduction that outlines the general topic and sets the stage for discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
What to do next:
Look at other essays: