IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

he first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

he first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
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The two pie charts illustrate the breakdown of
energy
Use synonyms
 usage in an average Australian household and the corresponding
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
 generated by each
energy
Use synonyms
 use category. In the first chart, it is evident that heating consumes the largest share of
energy
Use synonyms
 in Australian households, accounting for 42% of total usage.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by
water
Use synonyms
 heating, which takes up 30%,
while
Linking Words
 other appliances constitute 15%. Lighting and refrigeration use relatively smaller proportions of
energy
Use synonyms
, at 4% and 7%, respectively. Cooling represents the smallest portion, consuming just 2% of the total
energy
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the second chart reveals that
water
Use synonyms
 heating is responsible for the highest percentage of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
, producing 32% of the total. Other appliances
also
Linking Words
 contribute significantly, generating 28% of
emissions
Use synonyms
. Heating, despite using the most
energy
Use synonyms
, accounts for only 15% of
emissions
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 refrigeration produces 14%. Lighting and cooling make up 8% and 3% of
emissions
Use synonyms
, respectively. A comparison of the two charts shows that
while
Linking Words
 heating dominates
energy
Use synonyms
 usage, it contributes relatively less to
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
water
Use synonyms
 heating and other appliances play a more prominent role in
emissions
Use synonyms
 than in
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption.
This
Linking Words
 indicates that certain
energy
Use synonyms
 uses, like heating, are more efficient in terms of
emissions
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others,
such
Linking Words
 as
water
Use synonyms
 heating, are less environmentally friendly. In summary, the data suggests that households in Australia could potentially reduce
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
 by focusing on more efficient
water
Use synonyms
 heating and appliance use, as these categories contribute significantly to
emissions
Use synonyms
 despite consuming less
energy
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas, emissions, water with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Energy consumption
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Sustainable practices
  • Energy efficiency
  • Renewable energy
  • Fossil fuels
  • Carbon footprint
  • Eco-friendly appliances
  • Insulation
  • Solar panels
  • Recycling
  • Climate change
  • Kilowatt-hour (kWh)
  • Emissions-intensive
  • Energy audit
  • Smart meters
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