Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, many kids spend a huge amount of time on their mobiles,
however
, it is caused by irresponsibility and modern upbringing.
Furthermore
,
this
essay thinks the given event is not a good trend because it makes children addicted and cruel. In terms of precipitation, the problem is caused by parents because most of them do not have enough time and spend a significant amount of it on work, so children are alone and the only cheer is a phone where they can chat and play games with friends.
Therefore
,it is a crucial part of the lifestyle ,now.
For instance
,in the US, in the first grade, 90% of pupils use mobiles daily and almost the same
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of parents do not watch
this
problem.
On the contrary
, any person can find anything that he wants and it isn't restricted by the government in many countries. Kids are people and they can see a lot of cruel videos or news that have a negative effect on them,
moreover
, sometimes it breaks the psychological health of kids and causes mental diseases.
For example
, Some research has shown that pupils who spend more than 2 hours on their phones have a higher chance of catching diseases ,
such
as
Altzheimer
Correct your spelling
Alzheimer
or Syndrome of Down. In conclusion, it is a negative tendency.
Submitted by dimash.shaitmahmet on

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task achievement
Develop your ideas further, particularly in giving more examples and analysis of why smartphone usage is high and how it affects children.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more linking devices between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader through your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all your points are thoroughly supported with examples and explanations to provide a full response to the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay gives a clear introduction to the topic and a well-defined conclusion, providing a good framework.
task achievement
The main points of the essay are relevant to the topic and address both the reasons for the issue and its implications.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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