Blood sports (any spots involving Killing or shedding of blood as bull fighting, cockfighting or hunting)have become hot topic for debate in recent years.as society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed.blood sports should be banned.TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE

Blood
sports
are an absolute disaster. First of all kill a living creatures completely wrong. Why we aren'
t
eat chicken or any hunted animals why we hunt
this
animals? İ
t
's unnecessary because we haven'
t
need killing
this
animals. I think we should just look on way,
for instance
we are need to relevant in the future imagines. At least we may to teach our kids for doesn'
t
kill any living creatures. I can'
t
kill any animal or any bad things, I'm certainly against
this
circumstances. İ
t
's illegal condition that's why government immediately should be handle the
Blood
sports
and all of them banned from whole the world. I hope someday we will see all of the world banned
this
strange bloods things. For now we have to do something
for example
we exactly mustn'
t
watch the
blood
sports
or related it. İf you are parent protect your kids from bloods games or the bloods
sports
. İf you are see any illegal games directly call the police and withdrawn , because illegal people are cruel and unscrupulous generally maybe they hurt you. Most important is the education, government decisions very important across at the education. Law system is
likewise
carrying same valuable.
Finally
we must avoid to crime, and we should be an helpful people. İf
blood
sports
increasing anywhere, we have a problem about laws and politics decisions. We should check laws and if it's has a wrong we should against to laws. Crowded provinces are mostly do illegal things because easier to hide from police and of course they has many clients in there. I hope someday we will recover from all of illegals.
Submitted by yaexar on

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grammatical accuracy
Improve sentence structure and grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity.
coherence
Organize ideas logically with clear paragraphing and topic sentences.
task response
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points.
task response
The essay expresses a clear stance against blood sports, demonstrating engagement with the topic.
task achievement
The writer shows an understanding of broader societal implications, such as the potential influence on children and the need for legal action.
coherence
An introduction and conclusion are present, which frame the essay well.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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