IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree with these views?

#people #food #outlets #parents #children’s #health
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Childhood obesity has been rising in first-world nations at an unprecedented rate in recent times. Certain people argue that
this
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 issue is mainly
due to
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 the consumption of junk
food
Use synonyms
while
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 others argue that
this
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 problem solely depends on the
parents
Use synonyms
' supervision and guidance. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and will state my opinion.
Firstly
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, the number of
fast-foodfood
Correct your spelling
fast-food food
 restaurants in recent times has increased in number. The ability to compete for land and locate near institutions significantly increases student traffic during lunch hours.
Secondly
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, the increase in
food
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 prices, convenience and twenty-four hours availability has led to the preference of consuming
this
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 Western diet.
In addition
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, schools don't teach students how to prepare a healthy meal or never include it as a life course for students. These factors together lead the children towards unhealthy diet consumption
Fast
Add a hyphen
Fast-food
show examples
food
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 restaurants cannot be totally blamed for
this
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 behaviour.
Parents
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 in industrialized nations are busy with their work responsibilities on a daily basis, which leads to circumstances where children are left alone on their own to make decisions. The disposable income
that is
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 provided by
parents
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 to negotiate time and lack of time spent on educating children on consuming healthy
food
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 led to
this
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 obesity epidemic. In conclusion, the problem cannot be totally pointed towards the fast
food
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 restaurants and
parents
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also
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 be held accountable for improving the
overall
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 health of these youngsters by guiding them towards a healthy diet by being an example themselves.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas to enhance logical flow and clarity.
Task Achievement
Ensure the essay directly addresses both perspectives in detail, considering possible counterarguments.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples or data to strengthen arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a balanced view of both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and appropriately summarize the main points discussed.
Task Achievement
Main points are generally supported with relevant examples, although more specificity could enhance this.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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