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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?v

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Most of the learners like to be part of extra-curricular
activities
Use synonyms
 in school
such
Linking Words
 as sports, music and
english
Change the capitalization
English
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clubs
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of joining non-academic programs in a university. On a positive note, attending organizations
on
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at
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 a university will help the enrollees to have an identity in a community.
Firstly
Linking Words
, foreign and freshman
students
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 are the ones who would mostly
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
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on
Change preposition
from
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 having
clubs
Use synonyms
 where they might have social and emotional support to belong.
Secondly
Linking Words
, talent and skills will be polished
further
Linking Words
 by these groups. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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instance, musically inclined
students
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 will have an
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to
peform
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perform
 recital and learn instruments by joining music
clubs
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, these group organizations create study-life balance. On one hand,
students
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 may encounter difficulties
on
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in
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time
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 management. By
being involve
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being involved
show examples
 in these organizations,
time
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 and energy will be divided between academic and non-academic things.
As a result
Linking Words
, struggling
students
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 may find it hard to pass academic subjects because of mismanaged
time
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 and energy.
Due to
Linking Words
 learners focusing most of their attention on non-academic
activities
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 rather than studying
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their upcoming exams. Another disadvantage would be these
clubs
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 will become gateways
in
Change preposition
to
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 joining illegal acts. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, parties and gatherings in social
clubs
Use synonyms
 that would involve alcohol, drugs and petty crimes are appealing to
students
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. In conclusion, outside academic
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as music and dance
clubs
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 may have both positive and negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 on
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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students
Use synonyms
. The advantages may include social and emotional belongingness, enhancement of talent and harmonious balance between studies and personal life. Meanwhile, the disadvantages
such
Linking Words
 as
time
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 management issues and involvement
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 illegal
activities
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Provide a clearer and more concise introduction to set the context for the essay. Mention the specific non-academic programs you will discuss.
task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are equally developed. Some points, like those on illegal activities, could be expanded for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words or phrases to enhance coherence and show the relationship between ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating similar words or phrases (e.g., 'non-academic'), and instead use synonyms for variety.
task achievement
You effectively highlight both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra-curricular activities
  • soft skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • communication skills
  • workplace
  • mental and physical well-being
  • stress
  • physical fitness
  • balanced lifestyle
  • academic performance
  • network
  • time mismanagement
  • academic responsibilities
  • financial strain
  • membership fees
  • equipment purchases
  • travel expenses
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