An increasing trend nowadays is for young adults to olay computer games. Some people say this is a negative development. Discuss and give your opinion.

In modern days, there is an increasing trend of young adults who play computers. Other people consider
this
as a negative development, personally, I agree with the majority of the population labelling
this
nonpositively.
Firstly
, it is expected to have a large percentage of minors
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
play digital
games
. What is more surprising is that young adults who are supposed to be productive members of society must have a decline in number of involvement in computer
games
. The data is alarming as it links to the rise of unemployment and underemployment. Society members who are in the stage of early adulthood must be in the working class, in undergraduate and post-graduate studies. The multiplying percentage is likely to be suggestive of lesser productivity in a person.
Secondly
, being stuck playing computer
games
implies a lack of motivation to socialize face-to-face.
Additionally
,
mental
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the mental
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health of the person may be affected as there will be fewer physical interactions with other human beings.
This
may
also
affect the physical health of an individual.
Furthermore
, there will be a rise in numbers of obesity and malnourishment. In conclusion, the accelerating number of young adults playing computer
games
reflects a negative impact on society as a whole. Reasoning
such
as joblessness, and mental and physical health are under threat with these actions.
Submitted by emmagallares on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your points, such as statistics on the impact of gaming on productivity or health.
task achievement
Ensure ideas are more comprehensively developed. Some points in the body paragraphs could be expanded with further explanation.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that logically develop the idea.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively presenting the topic and summarizing the main points.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow of ideas between paragraphs is maintained, contributing to a coherent argument.
task achievement
Key issues such as employment, socialization, and health are raised, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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