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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

An increasing trend nowadays is for young adults to olay computer games. Some people say this is a negative development. Discuss and give your opinion.

#trend #adults #olay #computer #games #people #development
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In modern days, there is an increasing trend of young adults who play computers. Other people consider
this
 as a negative development, personally, I agree with the majority of the population labelling
this
 nonpositively.
Firstly
, it is expected to have a large percentage of minors
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
play digital
games
. What is more surprising is that young adults who are supposed to be productive members of society must have a decline in number of involvement in computer
games
. The data is alarming as it links to the rise of unemployment and underemployment. Society members who are in the stage of early adulthood must be in the working class, in undergraduate and post-graduate studies. The multiplying percentage is likely to be suggestive of lesser productivity in a person.
Secondly
, being stuck playing computer
games
 implies a lack of motivation to socialize face-to-face.
Additionally
,
mental
Add an article
the mental
show examples
 health of the person may be affected as there will be fewer physical interactions with other human beings.
This
 may
also
 affect the physical health of an individual.
Furthermore
, there will be a rise in numbers of obesity and malnourishment. In conclusion, the accelerating number of young adults playing computer
games
 reflects a negative impact on society as a whole. Reasoning
such
 as joblessness, and mental and physical health are under threat with these actions.
Submitted by emmagallares on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your points, such as statistics on the impact of gaming on productivity or health.
task achievement
Ensure ideas are more comprehensively developed. Some points in the body paragraphs could be expanded with further explanation.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that logically develop the idea.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively presenting the topic and summarizing the main points.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow of ideas between paragraphs is maintained, contributing to a coherent argument.
task achievement
Key issues such as employment, socialization, and health are raised, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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