IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?v

#students #extra- #activities #university #clubs #sports #v
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In
this
 modern era, There are
numerouse
Correct your spelling
numerous
students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 tend to be in extra-curricular at their university like social clubs and sports. I personally
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
this
 approach can have many advantages and disadvantages,
in other words
,
this
 is two sides of a penny but in my personal perspective, the advantages of
this
 approach outweigh the disadvantages
due to
 reasons
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
show examples
 be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, the
students
 who have
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extra-curricular
activities
 can develop
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their soft skills
such
 as communication skills, improvement their teamwork and leadership.
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
show examples
 mental and physical well-being
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
progressed with these
activities
,
for instance
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
during contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social clubs
due to
 meeting different peers with
diversity
Replace the word
diverse
show examples
 beliefs, the
students
 can learn how
communicate
Add the particle
to communicate
show examples
 with other
students
 and they can flourish their abilities like teamwork or leadership which are so valuable in the workplace. engaging in sports can alleviate their stress and improve their physical fitness as well
on the other hand
, drawbacks of being in
extra-curricular
Add an article
the extra-curricular
an extra-curricular
show examples
 programme can be
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
student's
Change preposition
of student's
show examples
 time
whereas
 they can spend their time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studing thier
Correct your spelling
studying their
 lessons
instead
 of
waste
Wrong verb form
wasting
show examples
 their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 extra
activities
.
the
Capitalize word
The
show examples
 other disadvantageous could be
financial
Add an article
a financial
show examples
 strain,
for example
, some
activities
 might require membership fees, equipment purchases, or travel expenses that not all
students
 can afford.
To conclude
,
while
extra-curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
 are advantageous in terms of
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of soft skills and
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
show examples
physical
Change preposition
of physical
show examples
 and mental health, they
make
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 to consumption times and financial problems
thus
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities should encourage
students
 to contribute
these
Change preposition
to these
show examples
activities
.
Submitted by sbehravan141 on

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task achievement
In the introduction, use a consistent tone. Remember to standardize capitalization (e.g., 'There are numerous students').
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar in paragraphs to enhance clarity. Check for subject-verb agreement and verb forms.
task achievement
Though main points are present, aim to deepen and connect them with clearer examples. This will strengthen relevance and support.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly presents an introduction and conclusion which effectively organize the argument.
task achievement
The essay includes specific points such as the development of soft skills and financial considerations, balancing both sides of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra-curricular activities
  • soft skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • communication skills
  • workplace
  • mental and physical well-being
  • stress
  • physical fitness
  • balanced lifestyle
  • academic performance
  • network
  • time mismanagement
  • academic responsibilities
  • financial strain
  • membership fees
  • equipment purchases
  • travel expenses
What to do next:
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