Some people think that schools should stop teaching students by using books, because students find them boring and that children can learn from films, TV, video games and computers instead. To what extent do you agree?

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Some individuals believe that teaching by using books should be abandoned in schools since they are not attractive based on students’ ideas, and it is better they learn by video content and electronic
devices
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.
This
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essay will discuss why I as far agree with
this
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opinion.
Firstly
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, teaching by computers can be more contributing than traditional methods. More precisely, thanks to the development of e-learning software, teachers can engage students in the teaching process. My uncle as a literature teacher always asks his students to score the writing of their classmates in Shad which is an Iranian e-learning application.
Secondly
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, video content can affect photographic
memory
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. So, they can be more efficient than text because
according to
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the studies engaging photographic
memory
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in a learning process can lead to deep learning. Even though we do not check the map, we can find the path to our home,
for instance
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, which is because of our photographic
memory
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.
On the other hand
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, a few people claim that computers and other electronic
devices
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are not healthy for children. They explain that these modern tools can lead to eyesight problems or other future diseases.
In addition
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, some individuals believe that children using computers and mobiles too much are more aggressive than others.
However
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,
although
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all of these
reasonings
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reasons
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are valid, all problems can be solved by restricting the time of using electronic
devices
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for children. In conclusion, despite the effects of using video content and electronic
devices
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on children’s
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
and health, I think teaching by them is more suitable than old methods because they are more contributing and can engage photographic
memory
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in the learning process.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more clearly. Transition words can help guide the reader through your argument. For example, use phrases like 'moreover,' 'however,' and 'on the other hand' to show the relationship between points.
Task Achievement
Ensure each main point is fully developed and explained. While you have provided some examples, adding further detail or explanation can strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
Task Achievement
Your introduction could more clearly outline what your essay will cover. A brief mention of both sides of the argument and your position could improve it.
Task Achievement
You have made a solid attempt to engage with both sides of the argument, showing understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples, such as the literature teacher using an e-learning application, helps to illustrate your points effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion neatly summarizes your main points, reaffirming your opinion clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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