Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

#species #animals #risk

Nowadays, people are really concerned about

animals

' living conditions in the modern world, some of the

species

are endangered and they are on the edge of extinction.

This

essay will find the reasons for

this

and

also

will present the possible solutions for

this

problem. The main threat to the survival of

animals

is human activity.

It is clear that

Illegal poaching still remains

Change preposition

apply

show examples

one of the major global problems. Many poachers hunt endangered

species

such

as rhinos or tigers, often killing them just for sport or keeping them in captivity as trophies.

But not

Correct word choice

Not

show examples

only endangered

animals

are suffering from human activity,

fur

Correct word choice

but fur

show examples

animals

for example

are victims of battery farming and fish are victims of overfishing as well.

However

, our actions

also

play a role in

this

problem. With the growing number of the

Correct your spelling

population

poplulation

Add a comma

poplulation,

show examples

the demand for

agriculture

Replace the word

agricultural

show examples

products is increasing rapidly. We can see

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

by deforestation of the Amazon rainforest

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because people need more space for farming and

this

is the reason why the fauna of the Amazon

threatens

Wrong verb form

are threatened

show examples

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

this

. Despite the problems, there are some measures to address the issues.

Firstly

, Governments need to share responsibility and have stricter punishments for animal hunters and poachers.

Secondly

, expanding the size of the protected areas where human activity is limited could provide safe habitats for endangered

species

Thirdly

, the public should be more aware

about

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show examples

environmental issues and

encourage

Wrong verb form

encouraged

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

to protect nature by using

biogradadable

Correct your spelling

biodegradable

packaging.

Therefore

, we can limit the irreparable damage of climate change. In conclusion, people have a very negative effect on animal numbers. All of us should take responsibility

to protect

Change preposition

for protecting

show examples

endangered

species

from our actions and reduce

killing

Correct article usage

the killing

show examples

animals

Change preposition

of animals

show examples

Submitted by a.seytzhanova on Tue Oct 08 2024

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relevant specific examples

Consider elaborating on the points about human activity affecting animals, such as more specific examples of poaching statistics or case studies on deforestation effects.

clear comprehensive ideas

Clarify the connection between agriculture demand and specific animal endangerments to strengthen the argument.

complete response

The essay adequately addresses the issue of endangered species by identifying human activities as a primary cause.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction sets the stage clearly, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, creating a cohesive piece.

logical structure

The essay includes a logical progression from the causes of endangerment to potential solutions, maintaining a clear structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

281 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

species extinction
endangered animals
biodiversity
habitat loss
deforestation
urbanization
poaching
illegal wildlife trade
climate change
pollution
conservation efforts
legislation
enforcement
human overpopulation
sustainable development
responsible consumption
education
awareness programs
protected areas
wildlife reserves
international cooperation
collaboration

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Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some think they can use as much fresh water as they want, but others say governments should limit water use because it is not endless. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.