Some people think that it is better to move to other countries for greater work and life opportunities. Others argue that it is best to stay in their home country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In
this
21st century, every individual have
a lot of options for their future. Few masses Change the verb form
has
says
for good work and life opportunities it is better to move to abroad Change the verb form
say
Whereas
others say that home country
is the better option. In this
essay, I will discuss the
both points with my opinion.
On the one hand, after Remove the article
apply
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
graduation
Replace the word
graduating
or
bachelor today's generation wants to move to abroad for making getting Change preposition
with or
the
job. They Correct article usage
a
thinks
thatChange the verb form
think
,
they will get more Remove the comma
apply
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
in
abroad rather than Change preposition
apply
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
country
. For example
, a survey conducted by Machester University shows that unemployment
rate among young adults is increasing rapidly every year. There Correct article usage
the unemployment
is
not enough job opportunities for them so they want to try Change the verb form
are
in
different countries. In Australia, Change preposition
apply
employment
rate is 80% and more than 50% Add an article
the employment
people
are moving there to get Change preposition
of people
better
future.
Correct article usage
a better
On the other hand
, the
life is very tough in different countries. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, if someone is living in
abroad alone and he knows nobody it is very difficult and hard to survive there. Because at some point you will feel Change preposition
apply
homesickness
. Sometimes people get stressed when they are living alone. If anyone is living in their own Replace the word
homesick
country
they don't have to feel these emotions. Young students move abroad for their higher studies and the fees of colleges is
very high for Correct subject-verb agreement
are
ang
Correct your spelling
a
course
.
In conclusion, both points have Fix the agreement mistake
courses
there
own pros and cons which I have discussed in Correct your spelling
their
this
essay and according to
my opinion
people should stay in their home Add a comma
opinion,
country
for their
better future and education.Change the word
a
Submitted by kaursaijbir on
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task achievement
Aim to clearly define and support your main points. The essay presents both views but lacks some depth in argumentation. Provide more comprehensive analysis for each perspective to show a complete understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
It's crucial to avoid repetition and ensure the ideas flow logically. You can enhance coherence by using clear logic and structured paragraphs. For example, in the second body paragraph, you could focus more on organizing ideas effectively to improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
Work on refining your thesis statement and ensuring that it encapsulates a direct response to the question. This helps set clear objectives for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively outlines and summarizes the discussion.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both views and providing your own opinion, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The inclusion of specific examples helps to enhance your points, making the argument more tangible and relatable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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