The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in the school curriculum؟

#arts #art #music #theatre #society #place #lifestyles #school #curriculum؟

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In the contemporary era of globalization, the education system has witnessed a major transformation, promoting the curriculum by integrating extracurricular

arts

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subjects. These subjects are vital in the community. I firmly believe that the

arts

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have a major place in our pioneer lifestyle and they should be added to the school syllabus.

To begin

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with, the

arts

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play a vital role in enhancing human lives. An array of individuals loves to listen to music during their free time

Moreover

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, affluent people invest a lot of money to attend music occasions similar to opera.

According to

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a study conducted by Sydney University, Most of the visitors to opera in Sydney are wealthy folks.

In addition

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, people can use painting to release stress and escape from what makes them loathe.

For instance

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, Manchester Hospital made people draw when they get nervous, they consider

this

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step as a therapeutic treatment.

Furthermore

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, I firmly believe that

arts

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should included in our studies. It will help pupils to expand their imagination and be more creative. Moving

further

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, they can be gifted with merits and these merits will appear during the art lesson. Ultimately, they can express all their emotions and stress during painting, acting, and playing music. Seventy per cent of the students in Canada are exporting their emotions and pressure in the art class.

This

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reflected in the students and made them unstressed. In conclusion, from what has been discussed above, I believe that art lessons are pivotal. The government should encourage their students to get into it. It should provide them with the facilities to enjoy

this

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activity.

Submitted by mohannadsme on Tue Oct 08 2024

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task achievement

You have provided a well-rounded response to the task, presenting a clear argument for the arts in modern society. However, to enhance your task response, directly address the second part of the question about including the arts in the school curriculum in more detail.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and phrases to connect your points more fluidly.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction is strong and establishes the context of the discussion clearly.

supported main points

You have included interesting and relevant examples, which support your main points effectively.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion restates your opinion effectively and encourages further action from the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in the school curriculum؟

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Your local newspaper is offering an award for people who have helped the community. Write a letter to the newspaper editor. In your letter

increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore,sport lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A person's worth nowadays, seems to be judged according to social statues and material possession. Old- fashion values such as honor, kindness and trust no longer seem important. Do what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?