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The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in the school curriculum؟

#arts #art #music #theatre #society #place #lifestyles #school #curriculum؟
In the contemporary era of globalization, the education system has witnessed a major transformation, promoting the curriculum by integrating extracurricular
arts
 subjects. These subjects are vital in the community. I firmly believe that the
arts
 have a major place in our pioneer lifestyle and they should be added to the school syllabus.
To begin
 with, the
arts
 play a vital role in enhancing human lives. An array of individuals loves to listen to music during their free time
Moreover
, affluent people invest a lot of money to attend music occasions similar to opera.
According to
 a study conducted by Sydney University, Most of the visitors to opera in Sydney are wealthy folks.
In addition
, people can use painting to release stress and escape from what makes them loathe.
For instance
, Manchester Hospital made people draw when they get nervous, they consider
this
 step as a therapeutic treatment.
Furthermore
, I firmly believe that
arts
 should included in our studies. It will help pupils to expand their imagination and be more creative. Moving
further
, they can be gifted with merits and these merits will appear during the art lesson. Ultimately, they can express all their emotions and stress during painting, acting, and playing music. Seventy per cent of the students in Canada are exporting their emotions and pressure in the art class.
This
 reflected in the students and made them unstressed. In conclusion, from what has been discussed above, I believe that art lessons are pivotal. The government should encourage their students to get into it. It should provide them with the facilities to enjoy
this
 activity.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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task achievement
You have provided a well-rounded response to the task, presenting a clear argument for the arts in modern society. However, to enhance your task response, directly address the second part of the question about including the arts in the school curriculum in more detail.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, with a logical flow of ideas. To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and phrases to connect your points more fluidly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is strong and establishes the context of the discussion clearly.
supported main points
You have included interesting and relevant examples, which support your main points effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion restates your opinion effectively and encourages further action from the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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