Science can now offer people a life expectancy of close to one hundred years or even more. Some people view it in a positive light, but others believe it creates some problems. Discuss both views, and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, the opportunities for
human
brain may be at their peak. Because of Add an article
the human
this
, they let to make new technologies. One of them is about medicine and these offers can give people
more years of life. It may be a hundred or more years, and many people
see in
Change preposition
apply
this
huge benefits and positive ones. Correct determiner usage
these
However
, someone
think that it can lead to more issues. Correct your spelling
some
This
essay will discuss both points of view, although
I think it is not something special and humanity doesn't
need it.
On the first
hand, the opinion which including to see only the positive lights Correct word choice
other
of
Change preposition
apply
the
science offers. These Correct article usage
apply
people
want
live much more and do their plans. Individuals can earn Add the particle
want to
much
money and don'Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
t
worry about their age. Or it may be just an opportunity to
humanity. Change preposition
for
For example
, many scientists are end
their careers Wrong verb form
ending
due to
the
age. But with life expectancy, it wouldn'Correct article usage
apply
t
be a problem. It can led
to more opens in many fields and it is just improving Change the verb form
lead
be led
of
humans. And the most common cause of Remove the preposition
apply
this
is that they wanna live with their families and close people
. They don't
wish to lost
them.
Change the verb
lose
On the other hand
, I suppose it can lead to so many and
big problems. Correct word choice
apply
For example
, overpopulation, which
is an issue that China and Japan today have. In Japan, Correct pronoun usage
apply
Correct article usage
the officially
officially
age group is much more than younger groups and the proportion of Change the word
official
death
are bigger than births. China Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
had
Wrong verb form
has
biggest
population in the world, Change the article
the biggest
while
they suffer from overpopulation and has the same situation as Japan. If in
the world Change preposition
apply
will be
overpopulation we can be close to Wrong verb form
is
apocalypse
and the end of humanity. It is simple Add an article
the apocalypse
an apocalypse
that
earth can'Correct determiner usage
the
t
contain many people
.
In conclusion, there are
can be positive results and Unnecessary verb
apply
also
negative ones. But it's obvious that the downside trumps the upside.Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to develop a clearer structure by organizing your essay into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences. This will enhance the clarity and flow of your argument.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific medical advancements or technologies that can extend life expectancy.
task achievement
Focus on expanding your ideas and explanations. Some points are mentioned but not fully developed, which can make them seem less convincing.
coherence cohesion
You included an introduction and a conclusion, addressing both perspectives on the topic, which is good for essay structure.
task achievement
You have made an attempt to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of increased life expectancy, demonstrating an awareness of the topic’s complexity.