IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the increasing business and cultural contract between countries is a positive development, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #business #contract #countries #development #identities
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There is no doubt, that globalisation has developed, and some
people
 argue against it because countries lose national
atributes
Correct your spelling
attributes
;
however
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 positive effect of the phenomenon, and I support them. As for
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 development of vanishing borders between countries, the substitution of national food, dresses, and a way of living will be considered. Products of big enterprises, which are supported by an
advertise
Replace the word
advertisement
show examples
, are more
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 than local
goods
 and services.
For example
, youth want to consume food from
McDonalds
Change noun form
Mcdonald's
Mcdonalds'
show examples
 and content from
Netflics
Correct your spelling
Netflix
, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
 touch the
Amerecan
Correct your spelling
American
 Dream.
Furthermore
, teenagers copy foreign social models and behave like their idols.
As a result
, national features incrementally disappear and societies from different areas may transform
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 one big group of similar
people
.
On the other hand
, the growing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
interdependence of economics and rising contacts lead to
spreading
Correct article usage
the spreading
show examples
 of technologies and
opening
Correct article usage
the opening
show examples
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
 markets for
goods
.
This
 is because many
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 companies
buld
Correct your spelling
built
 their factories in other
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
, implementing modern technics and
aproaches
Correct your spelling
approaches
 in those areas.
This
 was realised in China, where American and European strong brands manufactured several products, so local companies copy technologies and China's economics now
florish
Correct your spelling
flourish
.
Moreover
, transparent
boarders
Correct your spelling
borders
show examples
 ensure
acsess
Correct your spelling
access
 for customers to
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
goods
 around the World. In the
past
Add a comma
past,
show examples
 in many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
people
 used to buy expensive
low
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
quality
Correct your spelling
low-quality
show examples
 items from local companies
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because taxes for foreign
goods
 were high. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the
posiive
Correct your spelling
positive
 development of globalisation
such
 as
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 spawning of technologies and the wide range of imported
goods
 outweigh the negative sides
such
 as decreasing popularity of local food or culture.
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on

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task achievement
Try to develop your points in greater detail. For example, explain how teenagers copying foreign social models could have long-term consequences for national identities.
coherence cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy and correct spelling. For example, "attributes" is the correct spelling rather than "atributes".
coherence cohesion
Use a more varied vocabulary. This helps in presenting ideas more clearly. For example, instead of repeating "globalisation", use related terms like "international integration".
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both the positive and negative aspects of globalization.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, such as the influence of McDonald's and Netflix, to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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