Some people argue that money is the most important factor to stay in the job other think otherwise discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Some believe that money is the significant thing that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
people stay in their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
while
others claim that there is
otherwise
Rephrase
a reason
show examples
to continue in their
job
.
However
, in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss both perspectives and provide my own opinion. On the
one
hand, having a
job
with a great salary is something amazing and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
feel proud of,
also
a good income can enhance the quality of
employee's
Correct article usage
an employee's
show examples
life and give him the
motivaion
Correct your spelling
motivation
to improve his skills and complete his
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
excellent
Correct article usage
an excellent
show examples
way.
For example
, many people
travelling
Wrong verb form
travel
show examples
to Gulf countries for
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
those good salary
Change the determiner
that good salary
those good salaries
show examples
, to make
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
lives better and
help
Fix the infinitive
to help
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
families.
Moreover
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
money can be a reason to continue in the
job
but the main
one
.
On the other hand
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
many other things that people continue their
job
for.
Firstly
,
becaouse
Correct your spelling
because
they love
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
job
and want to be in
this
field.
Secondly
, it was
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
dream for a long time and now it become
reality
Correct article usage
a reality
show examples
and it
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
them a big motivation to continue
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
goals and be a good
virsion
Correct your spelling
version
of
themselfs
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
.
For instance
, my
freind
Correct your spelling
friend
was always dreamed
to become
Change preposition
of becoming
show examples
an artist, and a
couple
Add the preposition
couple of
show examples
years ago she
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
a famous artist in the city for her amazing painting, and even
she
Correct word choice
though she
show examples
didn't make a lot of money but she
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoyed
show examples
what she
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
, and every day she
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
her skills and
paint
Change the verb form
paints
show examples
a beautiful painting.
Therefore
, there
many
Add a missing verb
are many
show examples
reasons that give the worker motivation to continue his work, but he
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to find the right
one
. In conclusion,there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
a lot of good things that can
inspirat
Correct your spelling
inspire
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
person to stay in his
job
, but for sure he
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to find the exact
job
for him to have a good reason that will make him wake up every day and
decied
Correct your spelling
decided
decide
to become a good
one
.
Submitted by daliaakram35 on

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task achievement
Ensure to attend to all parts of the task, providing a well-rounded response that includes supporting details and explanations for each viewpoint discussed. Make sure your conclusion summarizes your opinion clearly.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your main ideas and use a variety of sentence structures to convey your thoughts more effectively. This can help in making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on making your writing more cohesive by ensuring that each paragraph logically connects to the next. Use transitional phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to enrich your essay by varying the sentence types and lengths. This will help make your text more engaging and readable, aiding overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your arguments well.
task achievement
You provide examples to substantiate your argument points, making your thoughts on the topic more relatable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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