Some people argue that money is the most important factor to stay in the job other think otherwise discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #money #factor #job

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Some believe that money is the significant thing that

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

people stay in their

Use synonyms

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

while

Linking Words

others claim that there is

Linking Words

otherwise

Rephrase

a reason

show examples

to continue in their

job

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, in

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will discuss both perspectives and provide my own opinion. On the

one

Use synonyms

hand, having a

job

Use synonyms

with a great salary is something amazing and

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

person

Add an article

a person

the person

show examples

feel proud of,

also

Linking Words

a good income can enhance the quality of

employee's

Correct article usage

an employee's

show examples

life and give him the

motivaion

Correct your spelling

motivation

to improve his skills and complete his

task

Fix the agreement mistake

tasks

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

excellent

Correct article usage

an excellent

show examples

way.

For example

Linking Words

, many people

travelling

Wrong verb form

travel

show examples

to Gulf countries for

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

those good salary

Change the determiner

that good salary

those good salaries

show examples

, to make

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

lives better and

help

Fix the infinitive

to help

show examples

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

families.

Moreover

Linking Words

sometime

Replace the word

sometimes

show examples

money can be a reason to continue in the

job

Use synonyms

but the main

one

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there

Change the verb form

are

show examples

many other things that people continue their

job

Use synonyms

for.

Firstly

Linking Words

becaouse

Correct your spelling

because

they love

there

Replace the word

their

show examples

job

Use synonyms

and want to be in

this

Linking Words

field.

Secondly

Linking Words

, it was

there

Correct your spelling

their

show examples

dream for a long time and now it become

reality

Correct article usage

a reality

show examples

and it

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

them a big motivation to continue

achive

Correct your spelling

achieve

there

Replace the word

their

show examples

goals and be a good

virsion

Correct your spelling

version

themselfs

Correct your spelling

themselves

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, my

freind

Correct your spelling

friend

was always dreamed

to become

Change preposition

of becoming

show examples

an artist, and a

couple

Add the preposition

couple of

show examples

years ago she

become

Wrong verb form

became

show examples

a famous artist in the city for her amazing painting, and even

she

Correct word choice

though she

show examples

didn't make a lot of money but she

enjoy

Wrong verb form

enjoyed

show examples

what she

Wrong verb form

did

show examples

, and every day she

improve

Change the verb form

improves

show examples

her skills and

paint

Change the verb form

paints

show examples

a beautiful painting.

Therefore

Linking Words

, there

many

Add a missing verb

are many

show examples

reasons that give the worker motivation to continue his work, but he

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to find the right

one

Use synonyms

. In conclusion,there

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

a lot of good things that can

inspirat

Correct your spelling

inspire

the

Correct article usage

show examples

person to stay in his

job

Use synonyms

, but for sure he

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to find the exact

job

Use synonyms

for him to have a good reason that will make him wake up every day and

decied

Correct your spelling

decided

decide

to become a good

one

Use synonyms

Submitted by daliaakram35 on Wed Oct 09 2024

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task achievement

Ensure to attend to all parts of the task, providing a well-rounded response that includes supporting details and explanations for each viewpoint discussed. Make sure your conclusion summarizes your opinion clearly.

task achievement

Try to elaborate more on your main ideas and use a variety of sentence structures to convey your thoughts more effectively. This can help in making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive to the reader.

coherence cohesion

Work on making your writing more cohesive by ensuring that each paragraph logically connects to the next. Use transitional phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Try to enrich your essay by varying the sentence types and lengths. This will help make your text more engaging and readable, aiding overall coherence.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your arguments well.

task achievement

You provide examples to substantiate your argument points, making your thoughts on the topic more relatable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
44
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

310 words

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Some people argue that money is the most important factor to stay in the job other think otherwise discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Nowadays, older people who need employment have to compete with younger people. What problems does this cause? And what are the solutions?

Some children spen hours every day on their smartphones Why is this the case? Do you thinki this is a positive or a negative development?

With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the Internet. What potential problems may this trend lead to? What solutions can you suggest to deal with it?

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?