IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You recently made a journey by train. When you got on the train, you realised you had left a bag on the platform. Give details of where and when you left the bag Describe the bag and its contents Suggest how you could get the bag back

#journey #train #bag #platform #give #describe #contents #suggest
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I am sorry for bothering you, but I lost my
bag
Use synonyms
 at your train station yesterday. I tried to search for it, but
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
 it was useless, I did not find it.
This
Linking Words
 sad situation happened on platform number two, at the station Warsawa Wlochy at 9 p.m.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the station was clean at
this
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 time, and there was only me waiting for the train to arrive. As for the
bag
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, it is a cheap one and I am not worried about it. I had a standard green backpack for forty litters with a touristic strap system, and it was very big.
Also
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, the
bag
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 is old and even a little bit ugly.
However
Linking Words
, the most critical thing is that inside of it are my passport and driver's license.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I must find them as soon as possible. I wonder if you could check the cameras and video monitoring at the security office. It is very probable that my
bag
Use synonyms
 is at the security or other workers. If it is so, the problem will be fixed in ten or fifteen minutes. I am looking forward to hearing from you as soon as possible. Sincerely yours, Iaroslav Cusnir.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
Provide more detail on your actions after realizing the bag was forgotten, such as informing train staff or attempting to retrace your steps. Providing this will make your narrative appear more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Include a more conclusive ending to neatly wrap up your request; for example, state a preferred method of contact for updates about the bag.
task achievement
You clearly articulated the situation, specifying the location and time the bag was lost.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a logical flow of events and enough background for a reader to understand the situation.
task achievement
Your description of the bag and its critical contents adds necessary context to the significance of retrieving it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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