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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Torism has become easy with the science what are advantages and disadvantes.

#torism #science #disadvantes
Travelling across different countries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 become very common in the past few years because of
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 of the technology and aerospace industry.In
this
 modern era, moving from one
place
 to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 has become very easy .
This
 essay will look into the pros and cons of
this
. Today,
Aerospace
Correct article usage
the Aerospace
show examples
 industry has made significant progress which in turn is promoting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
.
Tourism
 used to be an extraordinary source of leisure but now it is
Massive
Correct article usage
a Massive
show examples
 business .It is a business model supporting the livelihood of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge number of
people
 .
For instance
 ,If a country has more tourist points
then
 most of the population of that area is well off because there are more job opportunities for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 from every walk of life. Another heated argument is that
tourism
 is the key to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural diversity .Greater is the
mergence
Correct your spelling
emergence
 of the
people
 from different countries more closely the monitors the customs and other cultural norms of the different
people
 .
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,In
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
people
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 to travel for months in order to migrate from one
place
 to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
.They
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 to endure the horrible conditions
some time
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 during the travel because mostly conventional means were being used at that time.
Secondly
,
People
 with limited movement from one
place
 to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
place
 had limited knowledge about the other cultures .There was less access to the educational
institustions
Correct your spelling
institutions
 because only a minor amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 were able to travel abroad for the educational purpose. A lot of industries which are dependent on
tourism
 were not well off at that time particularly
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 were not very common which in turn resulted the lesser job creation than
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is today.
Overall
tourism
 is very essential for a lot of
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
for example
, Hotels, transportation,
Restaurant
Correct word choice
and Restaurant
show examples
 theatres thrive significantly because of the advancements in the aerospace industry .
However
, there are small disadvantages but they don’t make any big difference .Increased
tourism
 in a country is the guarantee of prosperity
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that specific area.
Submitted by shehzadarshad976 on

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language
Ensure to proofread your essay to correct any grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence structure issues.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more relatable and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical transition between ideas to enhance the flow of the essay.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making the overall structure easy to follow.
task achievement
You've covered the key advantages and disadvantages of tourism enabled by technological advancements, showing a good grasp of the topic.
content
The essay presents an interesting perspective by discussing economic benefits and cultural impacts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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