IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first graph shows the number of train passengers from 2000 to 2009; the second compares the percentage of trains running on time and target in the period.

The first graph shows the number of train passengers from 2000 to 2009; the second compares the percentage of trains running on time and target in the period.
#first #train #passengers #second #percentage #trains #time #target #period
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The first line graph below indicates the data on the numbers of
train
Use synonyms
 passengers
whereas
Linking Words
 the second diagram gives information about the percentage of trains running punctually in the period from 2000 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of people using
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the train
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train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
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 fluctuated steadily around 35-46
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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 passengers
during
Change preposition
over
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 nine
years
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the average of trains running on time and the annual target remained stable at 95%. As can be seen
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000 and 2003 are
years
Use synonyms
 having minimum
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
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 about 35
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. Several of people
Correct pronoun usage
who used
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used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
Use synonyms
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
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 dramatically increased to 46
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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 in 2005. In 2008,
total
Correct article usage
the total
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 of commuters
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
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 the
train
Use synonyms
 as their means of transport fell suddenly to 46
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
,
buts
Replace the word
but
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 it later saw a slight growth to around 42
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of the stage examined.
According to
Linking Words
 the second chart, the schedule being on time
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
92% at the beginning, after that it sharply climbed to 96% in 2004. In
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 two
years
Use synonyms
, the percentage decreased substantially to 92%.
However
Linking Words
, it sharply rose and did not change in the
last
Linking Words
 two
years
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words train, millions, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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