Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

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The debate over
young
Correct word choice
whether young
show examples
people
should have access to
education
until at least 18 years old is a continuous topic.
While some
Correct word choice
Some
show examples
people
argue that
students
have the full right to decide whether to go to school or not. In
this
essay, I strongly agree that
education
is crucial until 18 years old for a several reason. On the one hand, receiving a great
education
until 18 years old will provide basic knowledge and essential skills for young
people
. In school, teachers teach various types of knowledge that will encourage
students
to have critical thinking, which is an important factor for self-development.
Furthermore
,
education
directing
Wrong verb form
directs
show examples
students
to have good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
in the social environment.
For example
, schools provide
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
sessions for
students
to recognize themself and their talent, which allows
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
student to choose their next educational
background
and job based on their ability.
On the other hand
, having a higher
education
improving
Wrong verb form
improves
show examples
young
people
's opportunity to achieve better jobs. A great company searching for a talented employee with an impressive educational
background
.
For instance
, in a real job-seeker atmosphere, In Indonesia, there are strict requirements about the educational
background
to get a job,
although
the candidate has wonderful job experiences, the educational
background
will become the main assessment.
To sum up
,
while
some
people
believe that young
people
have the freedom to choose their life path, I strongly agree that at least until age 18 they should have the full time to receive an
education
, which is a great foundation to determine their future.
Submitted by yannn on

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task achievement
Expand on examples to better illustrate the points being made. For instance, provide more detailed examples of how counseling improves student outcomes or how educational background affects job success.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence variety to avoid repetitive phrasing. For example, some sentences have a similar structure and could be varied for better flow.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction, outlining the main stance regarding the importance of education until 18 years old.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is logical, with distinct paragraphs supporting your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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