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Band 7

The working week should be shorter and workers should have longer weekends. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekends
Nowadays, with the world's development, labourers have to
work
 more.
However
, some opinions think that employees should receive more relaxation
time
 and long weekends.
This
 essay will present some reasons why I am partly convinced by
this
 statement. On the one hand, having more
time
 to let your hair down will improve worker's health. First of all, personnel always have a headache with their amount of
work
.
Therefore
, they are always stressed and sometimes exhausted because of the many tasks to be resolved. For that reason, holidays and more healing
time
 will not only improve physical health but
also
 the well-being of staff.
Besides
, having better mental health can
also
 get better efficiency and the quality of
work
 of personnel.
In addition
, allowing personnel to take long days off
also
 makes labourers feel good about the workplace and the boss.
As a result
, they will be more dedicated to their company.
On the other hand
, some issues need to be paid attention.
First,
it is clear that
 if workers take too long a break, they can have a psychology of not wanting to go to
work
 anymore.
Therefore
, whenever staff who
work
 want to leave early.
Furthermore
, their enthusiasm and dynamism for their company will be lost and they just finish their task as a responsibility and never think about how to help develop. In conclusion, I agree that employees should have more
time
 to relax but in my view, there are
also
 some drawbacks that bosses need to concentrate on to limit them.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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task achievement
The essay provided a relatively clear stance but could benefit from being more explicit. Try to state more clearly whether you agree, disagree, or hold a mixed perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay generally follows a structure, but the logical flow could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, enhancing clarity for the reader.
task achievement
To strengthen the argument, incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support the points made. This will make your argument more compelling and believable.
coherence cohesion
Include more linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will help tie the essay together more cohesively.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and potential drawbacks of longer weekends.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant, giving the essay a clear sense of beginning and end.
coherence cohesion
The main points are adequately addressed and provide a logical structure to the essay, making it easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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