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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The Chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The Chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar chart illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of residents’
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 purchasing and consuming habits in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks in five different
cities
Use synonyms
 (Sydney,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
,
Adelaide
Use synonyms
, and Hobart) in Australia. In general, it is evident that going to a cafe to have
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 was the most common habit, except in
Adelaide
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 was always higher than that of those purchasing fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in all
cities
Use synonyms
. In terms of Sydney and
Melbourne
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Sydney’s
people
Use synonyms
 drinking
tea
Use synonyms
 or
coffee
Use synonyms
 at a cafe was about 61%, the figure for
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 was slightly higher, at around 63%. Meanwhile, above 45% of citizens in Sydney and
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 had a habit of buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the proportions of those purchasing fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in these two
cities
Use synonyms
 were around 44% and 43% respectively. Moving on to the remaining
cities
Use synonyms
, having
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 at a cafe accounted for the largest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in Hobart, followed by
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and
Adelaide
Use synonyms
, at approximately 51% and 49% respectively. At the same time, around 53% of
people
Use synonyms
 in
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and Hobart chose to buy instant
coffee
Use synonyms
, compared to nearly 50% of those in
Adelaide
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, a close similarity can be seen in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 buying fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and
Adelaide
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, at around 34%,
while
Linking Words
 Hobart’s figure was higher, at roughly 38%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, coffee, tea, cities, melbourne, brisbane, adelaide, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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