Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

#obesity #pandemic #world’s #population #people #risk #health #reason #growth #society

this

contemporary era, a plethora of folks on the earth, are suffering

with

Change preposition

from

show examples

alarming overweight

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

. Because of

overweight

Add a missing verb

being overweight

show examples

many individuals are facing serious health-related problems. In

this

essay, I will discuss the main reasons of overweight and will provide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

feasible

soultions

Correct your spelling

solutions

solution

to control

this

concern in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

To begin

with, there are numerous reasons behind

this

dangerous overweight

issue

. First and foremost, nowadays the majority of

people

are

lathergic

Correct your spelling

lethargic

and

donot

Correct your spelling

do not

prefer to perform any physical exercise

such

as going

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

running or even

walk

Wrong verb form

walking

show examples

Likewise

, many individuals do sitting jobs;

thus

donnot

Correct your spelling

do not

get

opportunity

Add an article

the opportunity

an opportunity

show examples

to move around; notwithstanding

this

condition, they have to give time to do some physical work and it helps them to keep fit.

Additionally

the

Correct article usage

show examples

vast number of

people

like to eat junk food;

therefore

this

Change the determiner

these

show examples

meals have those

ingridents

Correct your spelling

ingredients

which increase the fat percentages in the body.

For instance

, a survey conducted by Time News of India indicates that the demand

Change preposition

for

show examples

resturant

Correct your spelling

restaurant

cuisine is increased in India by 12% in 2022

than

Change preposition

apply

show examples

campared

Correct your spelling

compared

to 2019. To prevent

this

alarming

issue

these paramount steps ought to take.

Firstly

People

should make their daily schedule and put exercise as

necessary

Add an article

a necessary

show examples

thing.

Similarly

people

should start going

Change preposition

show examples

gym

Add an article

the gym

show examples

at least 3

time

Change to a plural noun

times

show examples

a week;

consquently

Correct your spelling

consequently

it will help them to keep healthy and help them to decrease body fat and gain muscle which

remendy

Correct your spelling

remedy

many health issues.

Moreover

, individuals should

gave

Change the verb form

give

show examples

periority

Correct your spelling

priority

home-made

Correct your spelling

homemade

show examples

food rather than ordering from outside. In a nutshell,

althoughthere

Correct your spelling

although there

is no doubt

vast

Correct article usage

a vast

show examples

percentage of

people

are suffering

with

Change preposition

from

show examples

obesity, if they start doing exercise and

eat

Wrong verb form

eating

show examples

fresh

meal

Fix the agreement mistake

meals

show examples

this

issue

can

be control

Change the verb form

be controlled

show examples

at one point.

Submitted by taniamall786 on Wed Oct 09 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity

Work on improving sentence structures to enhance clarity. At times, ideas could be expressed more fluently.

illustration

Include more supported examples to clearly illustrate your points.

connectivity

Try to use a greater variety of linking words to enhance coherence across your essay.

structure

You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, addressing the task directly.

relevance

The essay presents relevant ideas and identifies significant causes and solutions related to the issue of obesity.

support

You effectively use some examples to support your points, such as the survey from Time News of India.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

281 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous government's expenditure. This money should be used in new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary world, many people argue that government funds should be allocated to the construction of new buildings and roads rather than being invested in the decoration of ancient structures. From my perspective, I completely disagree with this opinion.
7.5
band
Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
In recent times, it is necessary for fathers or mothers to enrol on sessions that teach them how to take good care of their offspring. I completely agree with the aforesaid notion. This essay further discusses the benefits of childcare training courses that not only educate parents about current-generation schooling scenarios but also teach them to handle kids better than before.
4.5
band
These days many people prefer to work longer hours and spend less time at home. Are there more advantages than disadvantages to this trend?
Carrier play an essential role in our lives. Nowadays, A host of folk prefer to work longer hours and spend less time at home. Although we have several cons about this arguement, Some pros can not be over looked.
5
band
More and more people are relying on their private cars as a major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.
Without clean oxygen, humans cannot live on earth.Many human beings are currently using private vehicles as the only convenient transport system, however, cars can cause some drawbacks around the world such as pollution and it is also expensive to use. Thus, the government must introduce electric cars with less pollution.
5
band
Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its popularity have on individuals and society?
Shopping, once a necessity, has transformed into a leisure pursuit for many. This shift has brought its share of positive and negative consequences. While shopping can serve as a form of entertainment and stress relief, it also prompts concerns about its impact on financial stability and societal values. It is essential to evaluate the reasons behind shopping's allure and its broader implications to navigate these issues effectively.

Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous government's expenditure. This money should be used in new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.

These days many people prefer to work longer hours and spend less time at home. Are there more advantages than disadvantages to this trend?

More and more people are relying on their private cars as a major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its popularity have on individuals and society?