Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parents should strictly limit the time that children spend in this way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

To a large extent,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
agree with it. In
this
era,
parents
tend to use
eletronic
Correct your spelling
electronic
devices
such
as mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
taplets
Correct your spelling
tablets
and television to distract their
children
from
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
age. Because it can bring immediate effects on comforting and
stablling
Correct your spelling
stabling
stabilising
their
children
. It causes a lot of child
addict
Fix the agreement mistake
addicts
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
those
devices
by
Change preposition
because
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can provide
thrilling
Add an article
a thrilling
show examples
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
to
stimilate
Correct your spelling
stimulate
assimilate
themselves. It makes the
screen
time
of
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
increase and
extremely
Add a missing verb
is extremely
show examples
harmful for their development.
Parents
should take
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
action to reverse the situation as soon as possible. In
this
article
Add a comma
article,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will talk about the effects of massive screening
time
to support my point of view.
First,
about affecting
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
concentraction
Correct your spelling
concentration
. Numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
results
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
that long screening
time
may shorten
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
concentrated
time
to focus on the task. The researchers indicated that
screen
time
may cause
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
attention span
by
Change preposition
because
show examples
there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
too
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
stimulation on those media,
such
as playing video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
always provide new
infomations
Correct your spelling
information
and excitement to
children
. It causes
children
can only focus on something
Correct pronoun usage
that provide
show examples
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
excitements
Fix the agreement mistake
excitement
show examples
.
Therefore
parents
should
strict
Correct your spelling
restrict
show examples
their
screen
time
to prevent their
children
have short
Verb problem
from
show examples
concentration
Replace the word
concentrating
show examples
on studying and working in the future.
second,
about affecting
children
's
body
health. Watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
and playing computer are using
siting
Correct your spelling
sitting
show examples
for a long
time
. it may cause
children
lack
Add the particle
to lack
show examples
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
exercise and it may cause obesity and
also
hinder the
body
Change noun form
body's
show examples
development
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
they are in the period of growth which is
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
stage for their development. A good
body
strength can help them avoid the infection and influences of bacteria.
Besides
, long
screen
time
may affect their
body
health by the wrong sitting posture too. They may have
hunchback
Correct article usage
a hunchback
show examples
if they always look down the phone. So
parents
have to monitor the screening
time
of their
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
to protect their
body
health. '
Electrnic
Correct your spelling
Electronic
pacifier' is a new parenting style for the new
generaion
Correct your spelling
generation
, it can provide new
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
and
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
for
children
to explore and learn. But it
also
brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
.
Therefore
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
perceives
Correct subject-verb agreement
perceive
show examples
that
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
should
strict
Add a missing verb
have strict
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
screening
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
for
children
. It is not
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
rocket science to let
children
have less screening
time
. Maybe some
parents
may
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
limiting their screening
time
will worsen their relationship. But the most particular part is to
nagosiate
Correct your spelling
negotiate
with your
children
, exchange your ideas with them and set up a rule on using those
devices
.
Eletronic
Correct your spelling
Electronic
devices
are not the new black, is
time
for
parents
to look back
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
parenting style and cooperate with
you
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
kids and protect them.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are expressed clearly and comprehensively. Some points could be elaborated a little more.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs to enhance coherence. Relating ideas more explicitly can help the reader follow your argument better.
language
Revise language to correct minor grammar errors. Even though small inaccuracies are overlooked, improving on this can enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and well-structured, providing a clear overview of your position.
task achievement
The essay addresses a range of issues related to the topic, showing a comprehensive understanding and engagement with the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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