Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parents should strictly limit the time that children spend in this way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
To a large extent,
i
agree with it. In Change the capitalization
I
this
era, parents
tend to use eletronic
Correct your spelling
electronic
devices
such
as mobile phone
, Fix the agreement mistake
phones
taplets
and television to distract their Correct your spelling
tablets
children
from young
age. Because it can bring immediate effects on comforting and Add an article
a young
stablling
their Correct your spelling
stabling
stabilising
children
. It causes a lot of child addict
Fix the agreement mistake
addicts
on
those Change preposition
to
devices
by
Change preposition
because
it
can provide Correct pronoun usage
they
thrilling
Add an article
a thrilling
experience
to Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
stimilate
themselves. It makes the Correct your spelling
stimulate
assimilate
screen
time
of chidren
increase and Correct your spelling
children
extremely
harmful for their development.Add a missing verb
is extremely
Parents
should take an
action to reverse the situation as soon as possible. In Correct article usage
apply
this
article
Add a comma
article,
i
will talk about the effects of massive screening Change the capitalization
I
time
to support my point of view.
First,
about affecting children
Change noun form
children's
concentraction
. Numerous Correct your spelling
concentration
of
results Change preposition
apply
shows
that long screening Change the verb form
show
time
may shorten children
concentrated Change noun form
children's
time
to focus on the task. The researchers indicated that screen
time
may cause low
attention span Correct article usage
a low
by
there Change preposition
because
are
too Correct subject-verb agreement
is
many
stimulation on those media, Correct quantifier usage
much
such
as playing video game
, Fix the agreement mistake
games
it
always provide new Correct pronoun usage
which
infomations
and excitement to Correct your spelling
information
children
. It causes children
can only focus on something Correct pronoun usage
that provide
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
excitements
. Fix the agreement mistake
excitement
Therefore
parents
should strict
their Correct your spelling
restrict
screen
time
to prevent their children
have short
Verb problem
from
concentration
on studying and working in the future.
Replace the word
concentrating
second,
about affecting children
's body
health. Watching tv
and playing computer are using Correct your spelling
TV
siting
for a long Correct your spelling
sitting
time
. it may cause children
lack
Add the particle
to lack
of
exercise and it may cause obesity and Remove the preposition
apply
also
hinder the body
development Change noun form
body's
by
Change preposition
apply
the
they are in the period of growth which is Remove the article
apply
crucial
stage for their development. A good Add an article
a crucial
body
strength can help them avoid the infection and influences of bacteria. Besides
, long screen
time
may affect their body
health by the wrong sitting posture too. They may have hunchback
if they always look down the phone. So Correct article usage
a hunchback
parents
have to monitor the screening time
of their chidren
to protect their Correct your spelling
children
body
health.
'Electrnic
pacifier' is a new parenting style for the new Correct your spelling
Electronic
generaion
, it can provide new Correct your spelling
generation
knowlege
and Correct your spelling
knowledge
informations
for Change the wording
information
pieces of information
children
to explore and learn. But it also
brings
negative effects Verb problem
has
to
Change preposition
on
children
. Therefore
i
Change the capitalization
I
perceives
that Correct subject-verb agreement
perceive
parent
should Fix the agreement mistake
parents
strict
Add a missing verb
have strict
the
screening Correct article usage
apply
time
for Fix the agreement mistake
times
children
. It is not a
rocket science to let Remove the article
apply
children
have less screening time
. Maybe some parents
may concern
limiting their screening Wrong verb form
be concerned
time
will worsen their relationship. But the most particular part is to nagosiate
with your Correct your spelling
negotiate
children
, exchange your ideas with them and set up a rule on using those devices
. Eletronic
Correct your spelling
Electronic
devices
are not the new black, is time
for parents
to look back their
parenting style and cooperate with Change preposition
on their
you
kids and protect them.Correct pronoun usage
their
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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are expressed clearly and comprehensively. Some points could be elaborated a little more.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs to enhance coherence. Relating ideas more explicitly can help the reader follow your argument better.
language
Revise language to correct minor grammar errors. Even though small inaccuracies are overlooked, improving on this can enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and well-structured, providing a clear overview of your position.
task achievement
The essay addresses a range of issues related to the topic, showing a comprehensive understanding and engagement with the task.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example