IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe today that everyone has a right to access to the Internet and that governments should provide this access for free. Other people believe that access to the internet is not a right and should be paid for like other services. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #right #access #internet #governments #services
In
the
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
 era,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advanced technology makes
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 widely spread around the world, It can deepen the linkage of
people
 around the world, receiving new
knowleges
Correct your spelling
knowledge
knowledges
 and checking the
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 anytime anywhere.But there are some
people
Correct pronoun usage
who percieve
show examples
percieve
Correct your spelling
perceive
perceived
 that
people
 should pay for the
internet
 to get the right
on using
Change preposition
to use
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 it. And
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 strongly disagree
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 point of view, but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 is a place to share our own
ideas
 and
connecting
Wrong verb form
connect
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 everyone
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the globe. I am going to show my point of view by different aspects.
First,
about the purpose of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 is for everyone to share their
ideas
Correct word choice
and
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knowledge and
also
 advertising for companies. If
people
 have to pay for the
internet
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 will be fewer users on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
by
Correct word choice
because
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 there are many
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
 in poverty. They cannot afford the
internet
 fee. It makes
may
Correct your spelling
many
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people
 in less developed
country become not able
Verb problem
countries unable
show examples
 to use
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. The information from those
countries
 will dwindle, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 there is a gap between more developed
countries
 and
les
Correct your spelling
less
 developed
countries
, information
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not accessible to other
countries
 will lead to the result that the
infromation
Correct your spelling
information
 is not
transperant
Correct your spelling
transparent
 in
those country
Change the determiner
that country
those countries
show examples
. Not just
only
Rephrase
apply
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for less developed
countries
 , some poverty
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 may not afford the fee,
with
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 them only
can
Verb problem
apply
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learn from school and
textbook
Fix the agreement mistake
textbooks
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may exploit the learning
freedom
 and opportunities of those children. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, the wealth gap will widen. Human rights and
freedom
 will be reduced
by
Change preposition
if
show examples
 the news cannot be shown to the public, it breaks the original aim of
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 to connect everyone in the world.
second,
it
exploit
Change the verb form
exploits
show examples
 the
freedom
 of speech. As
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 just
mention
Wrong verb form
mentioned
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,
people
 who can afford the fee cannot share their
ideas
 and
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
 on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. It will limit their
freedom
 of speech
by
Change preposition
because
show examples
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no platform for them to express their needs,
ideas
 and opinions. Which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
 who pay for the
internet
 have greater power
on
Change preposition
over
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controling
Correct your spelling
controlling
people
's thoughts and speaking. And
people
 who didn't pay for will have no platform for them to speak up. It may cause the
unequality
Correct your spelling
inequality
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
intensify
Add the particle
to intensify
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 and block
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
from
Change preposition
between
show examples
 different
stakeholder
Fix the agreement mistake
stakeholders
show examples
. To reduce the
hierachy
Correct your spelling
hierarchy
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, accessing
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 should not be paid
.
Change preposition
for.
show examples
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Consider using clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensuring each paragraph focuses on one central point. This will help in creating a more logical structure throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas by developing each point more thoroughly. This requires not only posing arguments for both views but also elaborating on each point with relevant explanations or examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the inclusion of a clear introduction and conclusion. In your introduction, briefly introduce both views, and state your standpoint. Conclude by summarizing your main arguments and restating your opinion.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the issue, which illustrates a balanced understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You have highlighted important issues like freedom of speech and socio-economic inequality, which are relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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