IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more citizens relying on private cars as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

#citizens #cars #transportation #overreliances
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Nowadays,
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 becoming
one
Use synonyms
 of the most popular types of
transportion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 in many parts of the world.
This
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 essay covers the problems that might occur as the number of
cars
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 keeps growing,
as well as
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 the possible solution to
this
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 issue.
One
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 of the most significant problems
due to
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 the rising number of
car
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ownership
Replace the word
owners
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 is the increase in
traffic
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. The more
cars
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 are used by every individual, the less space there will be on the road which leads to crowding and long
traffic
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.
Moreover
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,
traffic
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 often causes stress to most people and if
this
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 continues for a long time it will affect
one
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's mental health condition. On top of that, the stress from
traffic
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 might
also
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 bother
one
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's performance at work or school.
For example
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, Indonesia is known as a
car
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-centric country where
one
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 person can purchase multiple vehicles since there are no strict
Use synonyms
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
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 about
this
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 matter.
As a consequence
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, the number of
car
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 users keeps increasing and the
traffic
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 has become a common thing during rush hour. The most realistic solution to
this
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 phenomenon is for the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 to make a strict
regulation
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 regarding
car
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 ownership and every citizen must
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 the necessary conditions of having a
car
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such
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 as having
garage
Add an article
a garage
the garage
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 to park the
car
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. They should
also
Linking Words
 make policies regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
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finance as a vast majority of people buy a
car
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with
Change preposition
in
show examples
installments
Change the spelling
instalments
show examples
.
For instance
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, the government in Singapore created a
regulation
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 for
car
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 ownership where the citizens can only own a
car
Use synonyms
 for 10 years, after the period ends they must report that the
car
Use synonyms
 has been sold to other parties or they will receive
penalty
Add an article
a penalty
show examples
.
As a result
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, not only
this
Linking Words
regulation
Use synonyms
stops
Correct subject-verb agreement
stop
show examples
 the overreliance on
cars
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, but
also
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 reduces the
traffic
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 as Singaporeans have no choice
than taking
Wrong verb form
but to take
show examples
 public transportation.
To conclude
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, the overreliance
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
cars
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 in some countries can lead to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
traffic
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 which might affect
individual's
Change noun form
individual
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wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 and the solution is in the
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
show examples
 of the government to create strict
Use synonyms
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 to control
car
Use synonyms
 purchases in the country.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to improve the coherence between paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases.
Task Achievement
Expand your ideas further to cover the topic more comprehensively.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate the points you are making.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the discussion well.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task by identifying a key problem related to overreliance on cars and proposed a realistic solution.
Task Achievement
The example of Singapore's regulation was relevant and illustrated your point effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overreliance
  • environmental pollution
  • carbon emissions
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • traffic congestion
  • commuters
  • urban sprawl
  • public health issues
  • obesity
  • respiratory ailments
  • resource depletion
  • fossil fuels
  • environmental degradation
What to do next:
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