More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger?Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

A growing number of individuals today spend large amounts of money on

beauty

Use synonyms

products to have a youthful

appearance

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss the reason

as well as

Linking Words

my opinion about

this

Linking Words

topic. The increasing popularity of skincare is attributed to several factors. First of all, it is worth considering that the greater concern for

appearance

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

the proliferation of social media. Nowadays, with the continuous development of social media and apps, posting images of yourself on social networks with flawless skin and gorgeous

face

Fix the agreement mistake

faces

show examples

has become a necessity. And

this

Linking Words

has created an invisible pressure on

beauty

Use synonyms

standards, making

people

Use synonyms

pay more attention to their

appearance

Use synonyms

. Another underlying reason for obsession with perfect skin and youthful look come from the manipulation of the

beauty

Use synonyms

industry. One clear example is cosmetic companies

show

Wrong verb form

showing

show examples

their advertisements and campaigns everywhere with celebrities as their representatives.

This

Linking Words

has created trust in customers’ minds and made them want to become younger and more beautiful. From my perspective, there is no denying that

this

Linking Words

trend brings a variety of positive benefits. For personal benefits, dedicating money and effort

Change preposition

show examples

skincare products helps users feel fully satisfied with

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

appearance

Use synonyms

which in turn helps us feel more confident and thereby have more job opportunities.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, investing in cosmetics to have a younger

appearance

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

shows love and respect for yourself.

However

Linking Words

, when

people

Use synonyms

spend most of their attention on external

beauty

Use synonyms

, core values

such

Linking Words

as kindness or intelligence will gradually be forgotten.

In addition

Linking Words

, the fact that

people

Use synonyms

pay too much attention to their

appearance

Use synonyms

will

also

Linking Words

cause

beauty

Use synonyms

standards to increase,

as a

Linking Words

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

people

Use synonyms

who do not have a beautiful

appearance

Use synonyms

or do not have the conditions to take care of their

appearance

Use synonyms

become self-conscious and upset. To draw the conclusion, there are a wide range of reasons to explain why more and more

people

Use synonyms

hope to become younger. To my mind, it must be affirmed that investing in complexions brings us many positive benefits related to

appearance

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, we still need to be concerned about the negative problems that

this

Linking Words

can cause.

elsenglish16992Thu Oct 10 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

Although the logical structure is clearly outlined, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try using more cohesive devices to ensure a seamless flow from one paragraph to the next.

Task Achievement

The essay covers all aspects of the task well, but could benefit from more specific examples. Concrete examples can provide depth and clarity to the explored ideas.

Task Achievement

Make sure that each paragraph is focused on one central idea. Occasionally, the points seem slightly dispersed. Clarity would improve with slightly more focused paragraphing.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay. The conclusion successfully summarizes the main points while also providing a personal standpoint.

Task Achievement

The essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, discussing both reasons for the trend and providing an opinion on its impact.

Coherence and Cohesion

Main arguments are generally well supported, contributing to a convincing overall essay.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

352 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Many young people today change their jobs or careers every few years. Do you think this has more advantages than disadvantages?
In this day and age, a plethora of young generations have the tendency to change their occupations frequently. This essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of this trend before concluding that the advantages are weightier than their disadvantages.
6.5
band
Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
In the new era, learning foreign languages is fundamental for each individual. Therefore, there is an argument between the two views. Some people argue that learning another language is only for learners who aim to travel or work overseas, while others think that these are not the only purposes for someone who wants to learn a new language except their mother tongue. From my perspective, I believe that each person has a free choice in choosing a different language to study.
8.5
band
You would like to take some time off of work to attend a training course. Write a letter to your supervisor asking for permission to attend the course. In this letter, Describe the training course Say how it will help improve your job performance. Explain how much time you need off and ask for permission.
I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to request your permission to attend a training course that I believe will greatly benefit my professional growth and my contribution to our team’s success.
7
band
More people will work from home and more students will study at home if computer technology becomes cheap and accessible. What will be the advantages and disadvantages if this happens?
There is no denying the fact that technology is a crucial thing for the improvement of humanity. While it is a commonly held belief that we should not handle everything on computers and technology. There is also an argument that there are some people that they can not afford the expensive price of technology stuff, like tablets, the internet, laptops, and other things that I will not mention here. This essay will analyse this topic from both points of view, and express my opinion.
7.5
band
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Several people propose that having a higher education is the most effective way to pursue a thriving occupation, whereas others assert that entering the workforce right after high school is a better option. This essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding I am favour of the former notion.

Many young people today change their jobs or careers every few years. Do you think this has more advantages than disadvantages?

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

More people will work from home and more students will study at home if computer technology becomes cheap and accessible. What will be the advantages and disadvantages if this happens?

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.