You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger?Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
A growing number of individuals today spend large amounts of money on
beauty
products to have a youthful appearance
. In this
essay, I will discuss the reason as well as
my opinion about this
topic.
The increasing popularity of skincare is attributed to several factors. First of all, it is worth considering that the greater concern for appearance
is due to
the proliferation of social media. Nowadays, with the continuous development of social media and apps, posting images of yourself on social networks with flawless skin and gorgeous face
has become a necessity. And Fix the agreement mistake
faces
this
has created an invisible pressure on beauty
standards, making people
pay more attention to their appearance
. Another underlying reason for obsession with perfect skin and youthful look come from the manipulation of the beauty
industry. One clear example is cosmetic companies show
their advertisements and campaigns everywhere with celebrities as their representatives. Wrong verb form
showing
This
has created trust in customers’ minds and made them want to become younger and more beautiful.
From my perspective, there is no denying that this
trend brings a variety of positive benefits. For personal benefits, dedicating money and effort on
skincare products helps users feel fully satisfied withChange preposition
to
Correct pronoun usage
their
appearance
which in turn helps us feel more confident and thereby have more job opportunities. Furthermore
, investing in cosmetics to have a younger appearance
also
shows love and respect for yourself. However
, when people
spend most of their attention on external beauty
, core values such
as kindness or intelligence will gradually be forgotten. In addition
, the fact that people
pay too much attention to their appearance
will also
cause beauty
standards to increase, as a
result
Add a comma
result,
people
who do not have a beautiful appearance
or do not have the conditions to take care of their appearance
become self-conscious and upset.
To draw the conclusion, there are a wide range of reasons to explain why more and more people
hope to become younger. To my mind, it must be affirmed that investing in complexions brings us many positive benefits related to appearance
. However
, we still need to be concerned about the negative problems that this
can cause.Submitted by elsenglish16992 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Although the logical structure is clearly outlined, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try using more cohesive devices to ensure a seamless flow from one paragraph to the next.
Task Achievement
The essay covers all aspects of the task well, but could benefit from more specific examples. Concrete examples can provide depth and clarity to the explored ideas.
Task Achievement
Make sure that each paragraph is focused on one central idea. Occasionally, the points seem slightly dispersed. Clarity would improve with slightly more focused paragraphing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay. The conclusion successfully summarizes the main points while also providing a personal standpoint.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, discussing both reasons for the trend and providing an opinion on its impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
Main arguments are generally well supported, contributing to a convincing overall essay.