IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

#people #media #right #lives
In
this
 technology era, in every corner of the world
people
 will find paparazzi for getting exclusive
news
. Few masses
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that reporters can publish all the
privates
Change the noun form
private
show examples
 lives of
people
 to everyone
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
Whereas
 others
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that there should be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
control on revealing
life
Add an article
the life
a life
show examples
 of
people
 to others. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both points. On the one hand, the first and foremost of sharing everyone's lives can be a positive for today's generation. Young adults can get experience of all the new things they are going to do in future. They can get all the
news
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 how to
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 successful by seeing successful
people
's stories.
This
 can help to build focus on
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
.
For example
, in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
people
 couldn't find the ways for
there carrier
Correct your spelling
their career
show examples
 or skills but
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 five decades the change has been seen and
this
 is only because of the
news
 they are getting from
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
People
 can set
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
goals, they can achieve them in a short period if they have already scheduled.
On the other hand
, there are several reasons to not publish the lifestyle of everyone. The one from them is
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
show examples
 impact on
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation.Nowadays,
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 is revealing all the
success
Fix the agreement mistake
successes
show examples
 and
failure
Fix the agreement mistake
failures
show examples
 of
people
's lives.
For example
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 media published the
news
 of
Add an article
a business
the business
show examples
business man
Correct your spelling
businessman
show examples
 who ended
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his life because of the stress from work. So,
this
 can affect young children's thinking
ablities
Correct your spelling
abilities
. Because in that age whatever they will see, will try in future. So, publishing all
news
Correct article usage
the news
show examples
 sometimes can be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
very dangerous. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, publishing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful stories
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 media can help every individual to grow in their life
however
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
news
 should not be published
due to
 serious reasons.
Submitted by kaursaijbir on

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task achievement
Ensure your main points are consistently supported with clear and varied examples, detailing both positive and negative aspects from a broader range of perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a more consistent logical progression by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully provided an introduction and conclusion which outline and summarize the discussion well.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is commendable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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