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Band 5.5

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause?

#people #difficulties #lack
In recent years, a
lot
 of people
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 struggling with getting sleep until late
night
Change preposition
at night
show examples
. There are various reasons why they have
difficulity
Correct your spelling
difficulty
 in having sleep, but the main reason for
this
 problem is closely associated with using
cellphone
Fix the agreement mistake
cellphones
show examples
 before they go to bed. Nowadays, there are many functions for using mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
For example
, one of the most
poplular
Correct your spelling
popular
 functions,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
provide
Verb problem
allows
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 people to watch
Add an article
a movie
the movie
show examples
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
enjoy short video clips on
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 channels and play
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mini games
Add a hyphen
mini-games
show examples
.
Therefore
 a
lot
 of users enjoy the
entertaning
Correct your spelling
entertaining
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 mentioned above,
this
Correct word choice
but this
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 makes
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
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apply
show examples
interrupt their good sleep because
phones
 have negative effects on
human's
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human
show examples
 body
rythmn
Correct your spelling
rhythm
. Some people argue that using
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 brings the
excitedment
Correct your spelling
excitement
 and joy.
However
, I think that some drawbacks of spending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time with
phones
 outweigh
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their benefits. As I mentioned above,
while
 using
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
 before students go to bed, the harmful energy from the
phone
 changes their body
rythmn
Correct your spelling
rhythm
rhythms
 and
sleep's
Change noun form
sleep
show examples
 pattern.
In addition
, unstable sleep patterns allow them to
detriorate
Correct your spelling
deteriorate
 the
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 sleep period,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 affects their daily lives negatively. Many students tend to find a
lot
 of enjoyable
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 and they often end up watching films or short clips until
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 morning, because
phone
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 lead them to watch their
phones
 for a long time.
This
 results in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of sleep seriously, and
this
 phenomenon can take the students' work efficiency and full concentration when they have a class. In my case, I have been
staying
Verb problem
suffering
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
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 chronic fatigue because I can not put down the
phone
 to watch
comedy
Correct article usage
a comedy
show examples
 programme which
release
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releases
show examples
 at 11pm every day. The habit of using
phone
Correct pronoun usage
my phone
show examples
 makes me not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
sleep well until 3am.
Additionally
, It has
negative
Add a missing verb
had negative
show examples
 effects on my
study's
Change noun form
study
show examples
 performance
such
 as a
lot
 of mistakes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 spelling.
Thus
, I strongly believe that we should not use our
phones
 before getting
slepp
Correct your spelling
sleep
 for good physical and mental
heatlh
Correct your spelling
health
.
Submitted by gibbeum1217 on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively introduces the topic and offers a clear point of view. Keep ensuring your essays start with a concise introduction like this.
logical structure
Try to structure your ideas into separate paragraphs. Each main point should have its own paragraph, which will help improve clarity.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are a few spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Be sure to proofread your work or use tools to help correct these minor issues.
complete response
The essay addresses the task effectively, focusing on explaining the problems caused by lack of sleep.
relevant specific examples
Examples, such as personal experiences about using cellphones at night, support the main idea well, making the text relatable.
introduction conclusion present
The essay concludes with a personal viewpoint that adds strength to the argument and ties the discussion together.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
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