An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healtg care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?
Recently, many children have been overweight, which leads to their health problems. Outweigh in children is most often associated with several factors
such
as poor diet, a sedentary lifestyle and psychological factors. This
essay will examine the reasons and solutions
The first problem is improper nutrition. There can be many reasons for poor appetite. Like, improperly constructed daily routine, few walks in the fresh air,and insufficient physical activity
. Kids with bad eating habits do not receive the necessary amount of nutrients for good health. For example
, young people who eat poorly, as a rule, have a weaker immune system, which increases their chances of getting sick. The solution to this
problem is a balanced diet. It is important to follow a diet and quality of food, decrease the amount of sweets, oily products and fast foods, increasing vegetables, fruits also
whole grains.
The second reason is the inactive lifestyle. Children have been spending more time behind the screen lately, which reduces their activity
and physical fitness. For instance
, a healthy body affects a good mood, productivity development and strong health. However
, excess weight can decrease immune systems and a kid can get easily sick.
To solve this
problem, firstly
parents can make food more appetising and the kid probably will want to eat it. The view is also
very important so as not to lose the child's appetite. For example
, there is no need to force them to eat what they don't want. There is plenty of good nutrition which kids will like. If she doesn't like broccoli, she probably likes something else, it doesn't have to be one thing. Secondly
is physical activity
where kids regularly do exercise or light activities like walking in
fresh air which helps to support healthy fitness.
In conclusion, by creating healthier habits and promoting physical activity
, we can combat childhood obesity and ensure a brighter, better future for the next generationsSubmitted by aluagabitova on
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coherence cohesion
Improve transition and connection between ideas. For instance, providing clearer logical bridges between the problems identified and the solutions proposed would enhance coherence.
task achievement
Expand on the solutions a bit more. Specifically, the essay mentions that parents can make food more appetizing but doesn't elaborate enough on how exactly this could be done.
task achievement
Consider using more specific examples to support your ideas, such as statistics or studies related to childhood obesity trends and successful intervention strategies.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers the main causes and solutions with well-structured paragraphs dedicated to each part of the question.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction that outlines what the essay will address, as well as a concise conclusion that summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logical sequence, with each paragraph focusing on a particular aspect of the problem or its solution, contributing to overall coherence.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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