Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to higher positions. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
According to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

many, in order for employees to increase their position in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
a workplace

The noun phrase workplace seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
, an extended period of experience
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs

It seems that the verb need does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
to be
requirement
Add an article
a requirement

The noun phrase requirement seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

perspective on the grounds that, by
lenghtening
Correct your spelling
lengthening

If you don’t want lenghtening to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

promotion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

period,
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
faces both motivation challenges and injustices. Since professions are of paramount importance
for
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
people's
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives

It appears that the noun lifes is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

show examples
, every person who is a part of
worklife
Correct your spelling
work life
work-life

If you don’t want worklife to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma may be separating the subject and verb in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
wants to step up. To most of them,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is the
primer
Correct your spelling
primary

The word primer doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
aspect
to operate
Change preposition
of operating

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
efficiently.
Due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the fact that
cost
Correct article usage
the cost

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
of
life
Replace the word
living

The word life doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
has soared, starting wages are not sufficient, especially for those who are compelled to feed a family.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, making
promotion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

tied to long working years is
no
Correct your spelling
not

The word no doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
beneficial for both employer and
employee's
Change the noun form
employees
employee

It appears that the noun employee's should not be in the possessive form. Consider changing it to the non-possessive singular or plural form.

show examples
.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

situation leads to laziness as extra
working
Replace the word
work

The word working doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
would not mean anything. Consider a construction worker. If he knew the fact that no matter how hard he
works
Wrong verb form
worked

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb works. Consider changing it.

show examples
, he becomes
supervisor
Correct article usage
a supervisor

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
no sooner than five years, he would not give himself
to
Change preposition
up to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
work.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, correlating
promotion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to workspan is clearly unfair, especially to brilliant minds. Not everyone has
same
Correct article usage
the same

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
perception or capacity.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

some individuals have restricted abilities, others may be utterly capable.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is what
management
Correct article usage
the management

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
level needs. By keeping highly skilled professionals in
same
Correct article usage
the same

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
positions, neither companies get
benefit
Add the particle
to benefit

It appears that the verb benefit should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

show examples
from them nor
these
Add a missing verb
do these

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

show examples
people
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil

The spelling of fulfill is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
their goals.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

would be a mutually harmful implementation, which never be executed by massive companies. In conclusion, implementing
time-related
Correct article usage
a time-related

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
promotion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

mechanism not only diminishes staff's performance
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma before the conjunction but also appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

show examples
but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

culminates in inequalities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to use more relevant and specific examples to support your points for a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining sentence structure and grammar for clarity and accuracy, which can enhance your overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
task achievement
Your main points are generally well-supported and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
You effectively express a disagreement with the notion and provide structured reasoning for your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: