IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to higher positions. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples.

#people #staff #company #time #positions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
According to
 many, in order for employees to increase their position in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
a workplace
show examples
, an extended period of experience
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be
requirement
Add an article
a requirement
show examples
. I strongly disagree with
this
 perspective on the grounds that, by
lenghtening
Correct your spelling
lengthening
promotion
 period,
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 faces both motivation challenges and injustices. Since professions are of paramount importance
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 people's
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
, every person who is a part of
worklife
Correct your spelling
work life
work-life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 wants to step up. To most of them,
this
 is the
primer
Correct your spelling
primary
show examples
 aspect
to operate
Change preposition
of operating
show examples
 efficiently.
Due to
 the fact that
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 has soared, starting wages are not sufficient, especially for those who are compelled to feed a family.
Therefore
, making
promotion
 tied to long working years is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 beneficial for both employer and
employee's
Change the noun form
employees
employee
show examples
.
This
 situation leads to laziness as extra
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 would not mean anything. Consider a construction worker. If he knew the fact that no matter how hard he
works
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
, he becomes
supervisor
Correct article usage
a supervisor
show examples
 no sooner than five years, he would not give himself
to
Change preposition
up to
show examples
 work.
Moreover
, correlating
promotion
 to workspan is clearly unfair, especially to brilliant minds. Not everyone has
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 perception or capacity.
While
 some individuals have restricted abilities, others may be utterly capable.
This
 is what
management
Correct article usage
the management
show examples
 level needs. By keeping highly skilled professionals in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 positions, neither companies get
benefit
Add the particle
to benefit
show examples
 from them nor
these
Add a missing verb
do these
show examples
 people
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their goals.
This
 would be a mutually harmful implementation, which never be executed by massive companies. In conclusion, implementing
time-related
Correct article usage
a time-related
show examples
promotion
 mechanism not only diminishes staff's performance
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 culminates in inequalities.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to use more relevant and specific examples to support your points for a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining sentence structure and grammar for clarity and accuracy, which can enhance your overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
task achievement
Your main points are generally well-supported and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
You effectively express a disagreement with the notion and provide structured reasoning for your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: