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Band 3.5

The cost of international travel is decreasing, and tourism is increasing in many countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the rising trent of tourism for countries?

#cost #travel #tourism #countries #trent
Internal travel costs and
tourism
 are contentious issue debate, as International costs
are decrease
Change the verb form
are decreased
are decreasing
show examples
 lead to increasing in
tourism
 in many
countries
.
This
 essay will examine the benefits and drawbacks of
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
an increasing
show examples
 trend of
tourism
 in many
countries
.
To begin
 with, there are various advantages of the rising number of
tourism
Replace the word
tourists
show examples
 for
countries
.
Firstly
,
culture
 exchange, learning other cultures is one of the
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 to
countries
, interaction with visitors, we will gain new insight,
such
 as new style, and new mindset.
Furthermore
,
tourism
 can support the economic growth. The local
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
,
such
 as restaurants,
shoping
Correct your spelling
shopping
, and local services usually thank
tourism
 as they can support the local income and open various job opportunities. Despite there being
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
 benefits of
tourism
, that
obiously
Correct your spelling
obviously
 give some drawbacks,
like
Replace the word
as
show examples
culture
 could fade,
along with
 increasing the visitors from other
countries
, the original
culture
 could be fade, because some local will try to collaborate their
culture
 with
tourism
 to meet their needs. Another defect
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
might be pollution, basically, the increasing
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 will align with the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
emmisions
Correct your spelling
emissions
, which is leading
Change preposition
to pollutions
show examples
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
.
To conclude
, Increasing
tourism
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 some
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 economic growth and
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 exchange,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 they
also
 give some drawbacks, like fading of
culture
,and increased pollution.
Submitted by masry.pakpahan on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points and provide a broader perspective on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph contains a clear main idea and appropriate supporting details to improve cohesion.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide an overview of the advantages and disadvantages of tourism.
task achievement
Identifies both benefits (cultural exchange and economic growth) and drawbacks (cultural fading and pollution) of increased tourism.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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