IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The cost of international travel is decreasing, and tourism is increasing in many countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the rising trent of tourism for countries?

#cost #travel #tourism #countries #trent
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Internal travel costs and
tourism
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 are contentious issue debate, as International costs
are decrease
Change the verb form
are decreased
are decreasing
show examples
 lead to increasing in
tourism
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 in many
countries
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.
This
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 essay will examine the benefits and drawbacks of
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
an increasing
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 trend of
tourism
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 in many
countries
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.
To begin
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 with, there are various advantages of the rising number of
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tourism
Replace the word
tourists
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 for
countries
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.
Firstly
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,
culture
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 exchange, learning other cultures is one of the
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
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 to
countries
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, interaction with visitors, we will gain new insight,
such
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 as new style, and new mindset.
Furthermore
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,
tourism
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 can support the economic growth. The local
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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,
such
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 as restaurants,
shoping
Correct your spelling
shopping
, and local services usually thank
tourism
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 as they can support the local income and open various job opportunities. Despite there being
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
 benefits of
tourism
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, that
obiously
Correct your spelling
obviously
 give some drawbacks,
like
Replace the word
as
show examples
culture
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 could fade,
along with
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 increasing the visitors from other
countries
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, the original
culture
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 could be fade, because some local will try to collaborate their
culture
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 with
tourism
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 to meet their needs. Another defect
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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might be pollution, basically, the increasing
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
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 will align with the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
emmisions
Correct your spelling
emissions
, which is leading
Change preposition
to pollutions
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pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
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.
To conclude
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, Increasing
tourism
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give
Change the verb form
gives
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 some
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 economic growth and
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culture
Replace the word
cultural
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 exchange,
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however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 they
also
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 give some drawbacks, like fading of
culture
Use synonyms
,and increased pollution.
Submitted by masry.pakpahan on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points and provide a broader perspective on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph contains a clear main idea and appropriate supporting details to improve cohesion.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide an overview of the advantages and disadvantages of tourism.
task achievement
Identifies both benefits (cultural exchange and economic growth) and drawbacks (cultural fading and pollution) of increased tourism.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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