IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Internet technology means people do not need to travel to foreign countries to understand how others live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#internet #technology #people #travel #countries
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Some
people
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 believe that using the
internet
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 is enough to understand other
countries
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’ cultures and how they live. I disagree with
this
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 viewpoint because information from the
internet
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 is not always true.
Moreover
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, there are a few things that can be understood by visiting it
such
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 as food and the natural environment. Sometimes the information from the
internet
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 about the culture of certain
countries
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 is not complete or inaccurate.
For instance
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, Batik motifs are Indonesian but some sources mention that it comes from Malaysia. It creates conflicts that can be solved by studying the history of the culture.
Additionally
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, Framing the ease of life
also
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 often occurs in some
countries
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. It means that the
internet
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 only provides the positive things about certain
countries
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 and removes the bad ones.
For example
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, despite the number of jobs, many wild animals are often found in Australia.
Therefore
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, it is better to not trust the
internet
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 directly and do some cross-checks in the
countries
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. Coming to other
countries
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 is
also
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 necessary when
people
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 need to try some foods from there as the
internet
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 only gives
people
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 descriptions of the foods.
Additionally
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, they can ask the local residents to recommend some menus.
However
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, sometimes pricing for tourists is different with local residents, but it is still worthwhile to try once in a lifetime.
For example
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, the price of Ramen in Japan is 10 yen for local
people
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, but it may increase to 12 yen for
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
.
Besides
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 foods, the natural environment
also
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 cannot be felt through a description. Travelers can feel the fresh air, enjoy the scenery and
moreover
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, they can take a picture with those as a background. Usually, mountains or beaches are the most popular places to be visited. In conclusion, it is true that the
internet
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 gives
people
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 information about how others live. But, there are some cultures that can be understood by visiting the
countries
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ivannizar on

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance the coherence of your essay, consider organizing your points in well-defined paragraphs with clear topic sentences. This helps guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure every example directly supports your main argument or point. This will contribute to a more robust task response.
coherence cohesion
Conclude with a summary of your arguments and a restatement of your opinion to reinforce your standpoint, further improving coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay clearly disagrees with the statement and maintains this position throughout, demonstrating a strong task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument, enhancing the coherence of the piece.
task achievement
Use of specific examples, such as Batik motifs and pricing differences in Japan, adds depth and relevance to the essay.
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