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Band 5

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #phones #school
These days
people
 argue that children should be banned from using their
phones
 during the
school
day
.
While
 others believe that using
phones
 should be legal during the
school
day
.
This
 essay will discuss both views. Using
phones
 in recent years is necessary for many reasons. Young
people
 need to be allowed to
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 their
phones
 to do research or connect with their families.
For example
, a study at Harvard University shows that schools that
allows
Change the verb form
allow
show examples
 their
students
 to
using
Change the verb form
use
show examples
 their
phones
 during the
school
day
 have a higher band in final year study rather than schools that banned their
students
 from using
phones
. In modern
studies
Add a comma
studies,
show examples
students
 need
phones
 to have effective learning. On the other side,
people
 who say that schools should
banned
Change the verb form
ban
be banned
show examples
 using
phones
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think that because
phones
 have many downsides for young
people
.
Although
 they
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
phones
 to do some research or some tasks, that makes them distracting during the
school
day
.
For instance
, when I was in high
school
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 was allowed to use
phones
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 specific times, but some
students
 started using their
phones
 just to watch movies or use social media. Using
phones
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 two sides
for
this
 reason some families decline the idea of using
phones
 during the
school
day
.
To sum up
, Using mobiles during
school
 days
hes
Correct your spelling
has
 two sides.
This
 essay discussed both views. In my opinion, there are many benefits to using
phones
 by children these days. That
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 kids to improve their skills by doing research at
school
 or
finish
Wrong verb form
finishing
show examples
 their homework in their free time at
school
.
Submitted by reem.b.albalawi on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and logical progression to enhance cohesion. Improve transitions between some sentences for better flow.
task achievement
Address more potential reasons for both sides of the argument to achieve a more complete response. Include more varied examples to strengthen arguments.
introduction conclusion present
You successfully introduced the topic and provided a balanced conclusion, outlining both views and your opinion on allowing phone use in schools.
complete response
Your essay covers the main points of the debate, showing a good understanding of the opposing views and demonstrating an ability to present a balanced argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
What to do next:
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