Most manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is argued that
tariff
Fix the agreement mistake
tariffs
show examples
on junk
food
should be levied because the health risks associated with consuming
this
kind of product are rising.
This
essay agrees that a higher rate of money should be paid by people.
Firstly
, some companies already increased the prices of their
sugar containing
Add a hyphen
sugar-containing
show examples
products;
secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
higher
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
price could lower
concumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
.
To begin
with, if almost all companies paid taxes to the government for selling the sugared products,
Add an article
the
show examples
government would have a chance to invest it in many significant occasions.
Therefore
, they would be capable
to ensure
Change preposition
of ensuring
show examples
tuition organised by clubs where doctors can explain how sugar destroys our
organism
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organisms
show examples
and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people who suffer from diseases caused
after
Change preposition
by
show examples
concuming
Correct your spelling
consuming
oversweet
food
. Obviously, it might be
reliable
Add an article
a reliable
show examples
approach to prevent
obessity
Correct your spelling
obesity
and
diabet
Correct your spelling
diabetes
.
For instance
, New
Zeeland's
Correct your spelling
Zealand's
show examples
government always carry out lessons with teenagers in schools using collected taxes from companies in the territory of
this
country
whereas
in Germany the percentage of humans suffering from
obessity
Correct your spelling
obesity
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
already decreased by 20% as most of them had problems with money.
Moreover
, raising prices would lower consumption humans would not like to buy sickly
drink
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drinks
show examples
and
food
that
cost
Verb problem
are
show examples
expensive because
instead
of
this
they can buy something healthy or have proper
meal
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meals
show examples
in restaurants. Addiction to sugar might be prevented in
this
way, as sweet
food
would soon become a luxury item, and it would only be consumed occasionally, which would be less harmful to the general public’s health.
For instance
, the cost of organic
food
has proven prohibitively expensive for most individuals, and
that is
why only a small percentage of the population buys it regularly. In conclusion, junk
food
should be taxed at a higher rate because of the good precedent set by oversweet nutriments and the fact that the increased cost should reduce the number of
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
food
people buy.
Submitted by nurali_serik on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to provide more specific examples that clearly illustrate your points, rather than hypothetical or generalized examples.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly and comprehensively articulated, as at times the expression seems vague or broad. This will help in making your argument stronger.
task achievement
Work on improving grammatical accuracy to ensure clarity, especially in complex sentences, even though minor errors do not significantly impact the overall message.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, ensure that all parts of your essay are logically connected. Consider using transitional phrases or linking words more frequently to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument effectively and contribute to a coherent structure.
coherence cohesion
Arguments are supported with reasons, and you appropriately address different aspects of the topic, such as taxation and its impact on consumption.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported, and there is a logical progression from one point to the next, illustrating good cohesion throughout the essay.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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