IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is argued that
tariff
Fix the agreement mistake
tariffs
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 on junk
food
Use synonyms
 should be levied because the health risks associated with consuming
this
Linking Words
 kind of product are rising.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that a higher rate of money should be paid by people.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some companies already increased the prices of their
sugar containing
Add a hyphen
sugar-containing
show examples
 products;
secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 higher
the
Correct article usage
apply
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price could lower
concumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if almost all companies paid taxes to the government for selling the sugared products,
Add an article
the
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government would have a chance to invest it in many significant occasions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they would be capable
to ensure
Change preposition
of ensuring
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 tuition organised by clubs where doctors can explain how sugar destroys our
organism
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organisms
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 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people who suffer from diseases caused
after
Change preposition
by
show examples
concuming
Correct your spelling
consuming
 oversweet
food
Use synonyms
. Obviously, it might be
reliable
Add an article
a reliable
show examples
 approach to prevent
obessity
Correct your spelling
obesity
 and
diabet
Correct your spelling
diabetes
.
For instance
Linking Words
, New
Zeeland's
Correct your spelling
Zealand's
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 government always carry out lessons with teenagers in schools using collected taxes from companies in the territory of
this
Linking Words
 country
whereas
Linking Words
 in Germany the percentage of humans suffering from
obessity
Correct your spelling
obesity
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 already decreased by 20% as most of them had problems with money.
Moreover
Linking Words
, raising prices would lower consumption humans would not like to buy sickly
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
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 and
food
Use synonyms
 that
cost
Verb problem
are
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 expensive because
instead
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 they can buy something healthy or have proper
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 in restaurants. Addiction to sugar might be prevented in
this
Linking Words
 way, as sweet
food
Use synonyms
 would soon become a luxury item, and it would only be consumed occasionally, which would be less harmful to the general public’s health.
For instance
Linking Words
, the cost of organic
food
Use synonyms
 has proven prohibitively expensive for most individuals, and
that is
Linking Words
 why only a small percentage of the population buys it regularly. In conclusion, junk
food
Use synonyms
 should be taxed at a higher rate because of the good precedent set by oversweet nutriments and the fact that the increased cost should reduce the number of
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 people buy.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to provide more specific examples that clearly illustrate your points, rather than hypothetical or generalized examples.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly and comprehensively articulated, as at times the expression seems vague or broad. This will help in making your argument stronger.
task achievement
Work on improving grammatical accuracy to ensure clarity, especially in complex sentences, even though minor errors do not significantly impact the overall message.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, ensure that all parts of your essay are logically connected. Consider using transitional phrases or linking words more frequently to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument effectively and contribute to a coherent structure.
coherence cohesion
Arguments are supported with reasons, and you appropriately address different aspects of the topic, such as taxation and its impact on consumption.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported, and there is a logical progression from one point to the next, illustrating good cohesion throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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