IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Art should be a compulsory class for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #class #school #students
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Some
poeple
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people
 argue that students should take
art
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classes
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 compulsorily. I totally agree with that idea because those lectures are helpful for
teenagers
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teenagers'
teenager's
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 brain circulation and make them
relief
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relieve
show examples
Correct article usage
the stresses
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stresses
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stress
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 they get from school lives. Our brain is consisted
by
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of
show examples
 two parts.
One
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 is related to logical thoughts and the other is part of emotions. To maximize our brain power fully,
human
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humans
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 need to use both parts equally. If someone is tilted to only
one
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 side of it, he or she could easily exposed to lose
ability
Add an article
the ability
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 to use
other part
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another part
other parts
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.
For example
Linking Words
, there was an experiment conducted in Korea. A group which took math and
art
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class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 together recorded higher
score
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scores
show examples
 in both subjects, compared to the other group
took
Correct pronoun usage
that took
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 only
one
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 class. In conclusion, taking
art
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classes
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 is helpful to increase students' academic results.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, students could experience
variety
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a variety
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feelings
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of feelings
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 by
exposed
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being exposed
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 to great artworks. Nowadays, many teenagers do not know how to control their minds.
Art
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classes
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 could be an answer
for
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to
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 that problem. By just seeing the
paints
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paintings
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 and
listening
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listening to
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 the music, they could feel comfortable.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is an article about people who can play at least
one
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 instrument is more happier than others. It means
,
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apply
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art
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classes
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is
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are
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 helpful not only for their skills but
also
Linking Words
mential
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mental
 health care. Though there are plenty of advantages of
art
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, we could easily forget the importance of that. To avoid that and
get
Verb problem
apply
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fully enjoy its
benefit
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benefits
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, I strongly
recommand
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recommend
 schools have to force
student
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students
show examples
 to take
art
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 courses.
Submitted by semimama on

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coherence cohesion
Organize your essay logically by clearly distinguishing between introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will improve the logical structure and ensure your argument flows more naturally.
task achievement
Work on expanding and developing your ideas more fully to make them clearer and more comprehensive. This might include explaining your points in more detail or providing a better rationale.
coherence cohesion
You introduced and concluded your essay effectively, giving a clear opinion right from the start and rounding off your discussion well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear opinion that is supported by relevant points relating to brain development and emotional benefits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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