IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
It is believed that the average
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
’s health
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
 will
be decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
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 in the future compared to today. In my opinion, I agree that
people
’s health
standard
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standards
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 will decrease within years
due to
bad
Correct word choice
poor
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air
 and
water
quality
 and expensive
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of
nutrients
.
Firstly
, an increasing number of deforestation to develop residential and industrial areas affects the
quality
 of
air
 and
water
 which play an essential role in
human’s
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human
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 activities.
While
 the main
source
to produce
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of producing
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 oxygen and
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
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water
nutrients
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
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 to decrease, the quantity of houses and factories, which contribute to
water
 and
air
 pollution, will remain or even higher in the future.
Therefore
, the
quality
 of
air
 and
water
 will be poorer and difficult to find since it is already mixed with chemical substances.
As
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For
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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instance,
people
 will be more reluctant to dangerous diseases
such
 as
tumor
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tumors
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 and cancer.
Secondly
,
although
 currently there are more farmers who produce various
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of fruits and vegetables organically, without chemical substances, in order to provide nutritious food for
people
, the price of these
source
 of meals
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
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 expensive for some
people
.
As a result
,
people
 who may not be able to afford them will keep buying the cheaper mass-produced vegetables, ignoring the
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
show examples
 that it can be unhealthy for their bodies.
This
 condition will lead to an increasing case of
people
 who
are
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apply
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lack
of
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apply
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nutrients
 because they can not afford a healthy
source
 of food. In conclusion,
people
’s health standard is predicted to be lower in the future than it is now because two elements
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 play an important role in
human’s
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human
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 life,
air
 and
water
, will be more polluted which may cause dangerous diseases.
Additionally
, the best
quality
 of food may not be accessible
for
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to
show examples
 everyone, causing more cases of
people
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nutrients
.
Submitted by averinasandra on

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introduction improvement
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your position and the main points you will discuss. This approach prepares the reader for what to expect in the essay.
example depth
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, citing specific studies or statistics could enhance your essay.
topic sentences
Include topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to clearly outline the point of the paragraph and improve reader comprehension.
framework
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
argument depth
You provide reasons for your position and develop two main ideas in depth.
organization
The ideas in the essay are logically organized, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
What to do next:
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